#(mostly cause it’s uncomfortable like the last thing I want is family being tied to a gay smut jfc)

[honeyedlashton]

i’m reading the good side rn and you’ve got me in tears at 9am on a monday 😭😭😭

Omg, please that’s so sweet!!! I remember crying my eyes out writing it!! Damn…and I wrote it in the morning, too. I think it was like 11 am that I finished it that day. I haven’t thought about this fic in a while 😭😭 Thank you for reminding me!! I hope you’re enjoying it!!!

🩷✨🩵💛💐

[phoenixyfriend]

Anakin and the Jedi Babies: Where There’s a Whill, There’s a Windu

Context: original post, chrono

(Summary of the AU: Disaster lineage got tossed back in time. Anakin stayed 21-ish, but Obi-Wan and Ahsoka got deaged, took new names for time-travel reasons (Ylliben and Sokanth, or Ben and Soka) and have been officially adopted by Anakin.)

----------------------

“You’re attached.”

“You’re just now noticing?”

Master Windu eyes him for a few long moments, and then joins him on the ground. Anakin can’t help but smirk. There’s something gratifying about having respect from the man, in this life.

“The other members of the council are concerned.”

“And you aren’t?”

“I am, but for other reasons,” Windu says.

Anakin doesn’t meet his eyes, doesn’t even respond for a long minute. He just looks out over the Room of a Thousand Fountains, spread out below them like hundreds of jungles pieced together in a jigsaw of flora. It’s been his favorite room in the Temple since he was a child, and it’s always overwhelming.

“Most of them have accepted that you adopted them because of Mandalorian customs, and that you stayed where you were due to the will of the Force,” Windu continues. “But they are… uncomfortable with how blatantly your attachments show.”

“Mandalorians are loud and refuse shame. It rubbed off.”

“You said you would kill for these children.”

“I’m their father. That’s kind of expected.”

Windu’s expression is tired. A little tired of stress, but mostly tired of Anakin’s shit. “You know what I’m trying to get at.”

“Do I?”

“Skywalker.”

“No, I’m serious. I need you to spell this out. I’ve had a million slightly-contradicting lectures on this topic, and I’ve been told pretty clearly that I misinterpreted a solid half of them. If you want a constructive conversation, you can’t be vague. I’m thirty-three years old and a father of two, Master Windu, so yes, I’m attached. What you mean by that word is going to change where this conversation goes.”

It’s gratifying to see the Master actually think it over.

“Ylliben’s tattoos have been causing the most recent stir,” Windu finally says. “They nearly all relate to family, whether new or old, and the symbolism is concerning to those who are already upset about the Mandalorian upbringing. They worry that he’ll remain too tied to people he grew up with, and unable to maintain neutrality in future diplomatic ventures, or at risk of a fall if one of the people he’s seen fit to memorialize is injured or killed. The assume a similar state of mind may be applicable to your daughter and yourself, especially given the off-color jokes about how possessive your children are about each other.”

“They’re worried about emotional immaturity,” Anakin summarizes. He offers a wan, unimpressed grin. “They do realize he’s fourteen, right? Nobody’s emotionally stable at fourteen. The hormones are out of whack.”

“I’m aware,” Windu grinds out. “And I’m aware that your histories, of war and all such things, make your ties much stronger, but you can see why the Council worries, especially those who are wary of the memories your children carry but won’t explain. I’m the only one you’ve told, Skywalker.”

“Plo and Depa know.”

“Plo and Depa aren’t on the council.”

“Yet.”

“Skywalker.”

He relents. “It’s not about Mandalore, Master Windu. It’s about Tatooine.”

Windu lets that sit for a few moments, and then sighs. “I don’t know enough about Tatooine to parse that.”

“Shmi and I are former slaves,” Anakin says, as bluntly as he can. “I was freed at nine, she at eleven, and for all that we are free, we’re not freeborn. We were born slaves, and raised slaves, and we were freed too late to forget that life. The way we think is always going to be affected by the way we grew up. That applies to all sentients, more or less, but it’s… the slave mentality is completely at odds with Jedi teachings, because Jedi teachings can only be taught in a safe environment.”

Windu nods slowly, and says, “That does make sense, but it’s… forgive me, but that’s why we don’t normally take children older than four.”

“From the perspective of teaching cultural values, that makes sense,” Anakin allows. “Teaching a Jedi child that’s cared for with communal resources that they do not need material things to be happy is fine; trying to convince a slave child of the same, someone who grew up being told they do not deserve material things, and that their owner can take anything at any time, including family? I lived that life, trying to adjust to ascetic Jedi values that coincided poorly with slave rules. I know exactly how poorly that transition can go when the person caring for the child doesn’t know how to handle the points of conflict.”

“Do you regret joining the Jedi?” Windu asks.

Anakin shakes his head. “My Jedi master, bless him, cared, and tried very hard, but he wasn’t ready to handle a kid like me and in hindsight, I know that. He needed grief counseling, and I needed therapy, and neither of us was getting it. I don’t… I don’t believe anyone in the Temple would have known how to handle a kid like me.”

“But you don’t regret it.”

“I was meant to be a Jedi,” Anakin says, as firmly as he can without getting unnecessarily bitchy about it. “My struggles with the Code aside, I was meant to be here. But the Temple doesn’t have any resources for children who come older, and I think… I think you do need that.”

“You just outlined why a child can’t follow the Code if they come from a different enough background,” Windu says.

Anakin shakes his head. “No, that’s not—I think a kid like me can learn to be a Jedi, if a little unconventional, if they’re taught correctly. The desperation to cling to anyone and anything you have can be unlearned. It takes time and effort, but it’s possible. Soka and Ben are good at balancing Tatooine care with Jedi control. If you talk to Ben, you get an entire philosophical breakdown about it, but I’m more concerned with the child psychology, because that’s what could have broken me.”

Windu frowns. “You’re building up to something.”

“I think the Jedi need programs for children found older who can’t become full Jedi,” Anakin asserts. “Even those who cannot reconcile what they absorbed growing up with the Code and Jedi tradition… they, we, need guidance. The Council tried to reject me for being too old, and now that I’m grown I understand why, but… Master Windu, what do you think would have happened to me if I hadn’t had my Master to fight for me, and had been turned away?”

“We’d have looked into placing you back with your mother and, upon finding out that she was still enslaved, secured her freedom,” Master Windu says. “Qui-Gon Jinn had taken responsibility for you, and thus you were a ward of the Temple until such a time as you were safe again. It would have been cruel to keep you from your mother if we were not to raise you a Jedi, and crueler still to allow you to return to slavery.”

“And you think I’d have been safe with her?” Anakin asks. He needs Master Windu to understand this. “You think that would have ended well?”

“You don’t?”

“Ventress,” Anakin says. “Maul. Aurra Sing, even.”

Windu considers that. He looks across the grand, green room of the garden, and finally speaks. “You think you’d have been found and corrupted by a Sith.”

“I’d already helped Naboo win a battle. I was a powerful child with no support system in this respect, eager to please,” Anakin says. “Ventress and Maul both got twisted into Sith Apprentices. Aurra Sing was just a bounty hunter, but… even if the Jedi had never found me, and the Sith remained unaware, do you think I’d have ended up better than Sing? Or would the pressures of slavery have led to my Fall anyway, eventually slaughtering my owner, the Hutts, the entire system of Tatooine’s hells?”

Windu rubs a hand over his forehead. “I understand what you’re getting at.”

“It’s not just me,” Anakin says, as carefully as he can. “Even without the Sith, there are plenty of Force-Sensitive children in terrible situations that are liable to Fall just because of how power is wielded by those at the bottom. Refusing to take on students who are already at risk… the Jedi are meant to monitor Force users to prevent Sith and other dark-aligned people from harming the galaxy. It’s one of our primary duties. If the Jedi are allowing darksiders to rise just because of an age limit…”

“I get it,” Windu says, just a little aggressive. “I understand. Give me a minute.”

Anakin tries to wait. He’s older now, he can do that. He can be patient.

He tries to convince himself that it’s true.

“You have a point,” Master Windu finally allows. “And with the knowledge that the Sith are out there, still, it’s a more salient point than most would think. The EduCorps already has a subdivision for teaching meditative techniques to low-level force users who need to learn shielding but aren’t sensitive enough to be Jedi, or are just too old, but I see your point about encouraging a program for powerful Force-Sensitives that aren’t discovered early enough to integrate into the community in full.”

“And a more comprehensive Search pattern for the Outer Rim?” Anakin suggests. He shrugs at the look he gets. “What? You’ve seen my midicount. I was on Tatooine for almost a decade, and the only reason anyone found me was that Qui-Gon had to crash a ship in the middle of nowhere. I’m sure the Force led him to me, given all the coincidences, but that’s still a solid nine years that nobody did, despite how I apparently ‘shine like the sun’ or whatever.”

“Humble.”

“The last time I took a midichlorian test on a portable counter, it literally broke the device. That’s not arrogance, that’s just absurd.”

Windu looks exhausted by the comment. Anakin can’t bring himself to feel too bad about it.

“What about Jedha?” Anakin suggests instead. “Jedi find the kids, but if they’re too old to be Jedi, we could coordinate with one of the temples at Jedha to see about having them raised in the traditions of the Whills? They’re a little less orthodox, aren’t they?”

“In some respects,” Master Windu says. “More constrained in others, but… it’s a possibility. Most of the overlooked children, yourself included, are from parts of the Outer Rim that aren’t part of the Republic, Skywalker.”

Anakin shrugs. “And many of them would have been happy to be found and collected by a Jedi, even if they couldn’t become Jedi. Not the Dathomiri, since they’ve got their own thing going on, but… from what I know about Ventress, she actually did have a Jedi Master before the situation on Rattatak became… what’s the word… untenable? He died and she was left alone, and she’d been a slave already and it just… did not end well for her. But that was a planet overrun by pirates and warlords, and would have been approved as a planet the Jedi could help without it being a weird colonialism thing… if the Senate weren’t made up of cheapskates, at least.”

“Skywalker.”

“My name isn’t actually a reprimand, you know.”

“You’re not supposed to just say that,” Windu groans, running a hand over his face. “The Senate’s choice in funding is not optimal, but insulting them in that way, even in private—”

“They’re assholes,” Anakin says, and doesn’t let his humor show. “Except my late wife, but she’s not part of the Senate in this time, so I feel no shame in accusing the entire shitshow of being cheapskates.”

Windu looks about ready to push him off the ledge.

“You’re never allowed to go on diplomatic missions, are you?” Windu mutters.

“Unless it’s to Mandalore,” Anakin clarifies. “Also, never send me to Tatooine. Ever. Please. I kriffing hate that planet.”

“I’m going to assume you have plans to kill a Hutt if we ever send you to—”

“Yes.”

“Okay,” Windu sighs. “I’ll discuss this with the Council, see how they feel about reaching out to Jedha for your suggestion regarding the Whills.”

“And you’ll tell them not to worry about my kids?”

“Skywalker, they are never going to stop worrying about your family,” Windu tells him.

“That’s fair.”

[novamirmirsblog]

FwB minor safe

THIS IS SAFE FOR MINORS. and by minors I mean 15+ cause there's still some kissy kissy and implied sex. AND SWEARING. Seriously tho, no under 15s reading this.

When you had first met Natasha, she hated you. Or at least that’s what it seemed like. She ignored you, refused to train with you, and when she did train with you, you always ended up in the medical bay, and she always, always had something to say when you came back from a mission. You had really hoped to at least had a friendly acquaintance with the other woman on the team. You always had Wanda but she was often pining after a certain red synthezoid. You only realised Natasha wanted to be friends when Clint let it slip that she was like a cat. He was clearly sick and tired of the two of you constantly fighting and wanted it to end. Or perhaps it was Steve who finally wanted it to stop. It didn’t really matter who because now you had a way in.

Your friend’s grandmother used to rescue stray cats and while Natasha certainly wasn’t a cat, you figured the same rules applied. First, you would make extra food when you knew she would be there, telling her there were leftovers if she wanted them but never pressuring her into eating with you. Then, you slowly began just sitting in the same room as her, always a distance away from her so as to not make her uncomfortable. Eventually she began to warm up to you, even going as far as letting you sit on the same sofa as her.

Things all changed one night when Natasha came back from a mission gone wrong. She had been given bad information and the data she was supposed to collect wasn’t there. She was pissed. Steve called you into the lounge and told you to stay out of her way if you valued your life. It made you slightly nervous. The two of you were friends but you weren’t that close. Not close enough to know for sure whether or not she would hurt you. Everyone retreated to their rooms and locked their doors, not wanting to be in the way of an angry Black Widow. Because that’s who was coming back. Black Widow, not Natasha Romanoff.

You couldn’t sleep that night so when you saw a figure enter your room, it scared you shitless. You grabbed the gun from under your pillow and pointed it at the figure.

“Who the fuck are you?”

“That’s kinky babe and maybe we should revisit that idea but right now I want to fuck you senseless.” Natasha - no the Black Widow’s voice spoke out in the dark. It was that kind of muffled sound that you only heard in the depths of the night when no one else was awake.

You lowered your gun but didn’t take the safety off. Just in case.

“There’s no need to be nervous darling. I’ve seen the way you act around me.” Natasha walked towards where you were on the bed, leaning down and lifting you by your chin up to her lips. “Just tell me to stop and I will.”

You moaned as Natasha’s lips connected to your neck, roughly sucking and biting her way to your collarbones. She leaned you back and wrapped a hand around your neck as she looked at you. Even in the darkness, you could see how black her pupils were and feel how heavy her breathing was.

“I need you to understand that this doesn’t change anything. We are still just friends.”

"I understand." You leant up to kiss her but she just laughed as she pushed you down and kissed you harder, leaving you alone once she had finished playing with you.

Nights like that became routine between the two of you. If either of you had a bad mission, or were just feeling lonely, you would end up in your bed. It was never Natasha's bed and most of the time Natasha was in control. Occasionally however, if you had a particularly bad mission or Natasha had seen unspeakable things, she would relinquish control and you would savour every minute of it. Perhaps if the two of you were dating, you would be able to have control more- no you couldn't think like that. It was a dark hole that you couldn't go down.

Somewhere between the rough nights and the friendly movie nights the two of you had, you had fallen for the fiery woman. Natasha made sure that you always remembered that it was just a 'friends with benefits' arrangement by never sleeping in your bed. It was a tricky balance for her though because she would cuddle you all the time during the day. It was almost as if she regretted sleeping with you.

The friendly flirting between the two of you drove the team absolutely crazy. It was like everyone except you two could see how perfect you were for each other. You just fit together. Yet whenever they asked either of you about it, you both denied it vehemently with a sad look in your eyes. The team had had enough. They were done with the two of you fucking, flirting and then crying yourselves to sleep when you both realised you didn't have the relationship you wanted.

It was Wanda's brilliant idea to have a game night. She had watched a sitcom where the characters played truth or dare and confessed their love for each other.

"I'm not so sure that will work witchy." Tony said after Wanda had finished explaining her plan. "Maybe we should play 7 minutes in heaven or spin the bottle."

"Why? How is that better than my plan? All they do is suck each other's faces off. We need them to admit their feelings for each other." Wanda stood up, slightly defensive over her plan.

"I...I think I have a better idea." Steve spoke up and everyone turned to look at him. "How about we kidnap Y/n? Y/n wont believe us if we tell her Natasha loves her and Natasha isn't going to admit it over a game of truth or dare. If we kidnap Y/n and stress Natasha out a little, then she might finally admit she loves Y/n."

The room was silent. "Remind me never to get on the wrong side of you" Clint muttered, causing the rest of the room to break out into a slightly nervous laughter.

"When's Y/n's next mission?"

~~~~~

You were sent out on a routine solo mission. It was something a lower level agent could have easily done but you were happy to get out and away from the compound for a bit. You loved your family but their constant questions about Natasha were getting too much. It was a constant reminder that you guys weren't in a relationship at all. The more you thought about it, the more you tried to convince yourself that a relationship wasn't even what you wanted. You had been on a few dates since your arrangement with Natasha had begun, mostly to throw her off the scent of your growing crush. However, when you returned from your failed date (because they always failed), Natasha was always there to fuck you hard and rough. Sure, she would leave it a few days, distancing herself as much as possible, sometimes completely ignoring you, but she would always come back. The mission was complete and you were making your way back to the Quinjet, too distracted in your thoughts of Natasha to realise someone was creeping up behind you. You were knocked out cold.

When you came to, you were in an abandoned warehouse, tied to a chair. It was all very James Bond like. You tried to look around, but everything seemed blurry.

"I can't believe you hit her so damn hard!" You heard a voice ring out.

"I didn't mean to! Oh my god she's going to kill me." A deeper voice, probably male, spoke.

The voices sounded kind of familiar but you couldn't work out where from.

"Natasha, we found her!" that was the last thing you heard before passing out again.

"I am going to murder whoever did this to you Y/n." Natasha told you as she carried you to medical. She refused to let anyone else touch you and didn't let you out of her sight for one second.

The usually fearless avengers all froze and turned slightly pale. They were 100% going to blame this all on Steve. If anyone had a chance of surviving the Black Widow, it was a super soldier and besides, it was Steve who had knocked you out. Bucky had told him not to use his shield to do it.

You awoke to find yourself in a hospital bed with a very concerned Natasha holding your hand. You gave it a little squeeze and smiled at her.

"Never ever ever do that again. Do you understand me? I thought I lost you..."

"It's okay Tash, I'm fine." In that moment it was so hard to remember that the two of you were just friends, that you would never be anything more than friends.

"Date me."

"What?" You were stunned and not completely sure you hadn't just hallucinated.

"I can't do this friends with benefits thing anymore. I know I was the one who said it was nothing more but I think I'm falling for you Y/n. Do you know why I was so distant with you to begin with?"

"Because you're a cat?"

Natasha smiled, she couldn't even bring herself to laugh she was so nervous. "No Y/n. It was because I really liked you. You walk into the compound all happy and beautiful and I dont know what to do. We would spar and I would get weird tingly feelings wherever you were touching me and it made me confused. I tried so hard to stay away from you but then you started leaving me food, or sitting with me, or trying to make jokes and I just couldn't stay away. When you didn't come back to me on time, I was so scared. I thought you were dead. When we found you..." She ran her hand through her hair, her other hand never letting go of yours. "The relief I felt nearly made me fall to my knees. I understand if this ruins our friendship but I really can't continue on just being your friend. I think... I think I love you." Natasha whispered that last part so quietly you almost missed it.

"I would love nothing more than to date you Natasha. I was so worried that I was reading too much into things and that my feelings were wrong and would ruin everything. It's why I dated other people for a bit."

"Well good. How about we-" Natasha was cut off by an announcement from F.R.I.D.A.Y.

"Considering agent y/l/n is up, Mr Stark request's both your presence in the lounge."

When the two of you made it to the lounge, hand in hand, they all clapped. Natasha scowled and held on tighter to your hand and you just laughed.

"Why did you call us here?" You asked

"Well, the thing is, we don't want to be murdered so we're really hoping you'll stop Natasha from doing anything drastic."

"What did you do." Natasha let out lowly, she knew you shouldn't be up and about, that it was better for you to rest until you were feeling completely better again so she wanted this over as quickly as possible.

"Well...-"

"IT WAS STEVE'S IDEA!" Wanda blurted out. "I just wanted to play truth or dare but nooo. Stars and Stripes over here wanted to make things all dramatic." Wanda waved her hands in the air.

"What was Steve's idea?" You asked, still a little slow on the uptake. Natasha wasn't though. You could feel her becoming tense and you held her hand a little tighter.

"...The kidnaping..." The team hung their heads in shame, trying to simultaneously look at their shoes and keep an eye on Natasha.

The room was completely silent before you burst out laughing. "You're kidding me? You actually kidnaped me just so Natasha would admit her feelings for me? Guys I'm dying." You wheezed as you tried to catch your breath from laughing so hard.

Natasha however, didn't find it nearly as funny.

"Natty, darling, it's fine. They did it because they care." You whispered into her ear, leading her out the room before someone could get easily injured. Getting blood out of carpets was a pain.

"Your days are numbered Super Soldier. I'm coming for you." she said, watching as Steve's face turned completely white before turning and leaving the room with you.

[bigskydreaming]

I am once more begging people, BEGGING, to at least READ Batman #416 if you’re going to cite every moment of Dick meeting Jason and then blowing up at Bruce, except in a totally ‘that’s not at all how it happened’ kinda way.

If I have to read ONE MORE sizzling hot take about how Dick blew up at Bruce and stormed off at the end of that encounter, when THIS is how it ACTUALLY ended....

Ah yes, the famous Dick Grayson temper, better described as ‘someone else loses their shit at Dick and fandom twists it into the exact opposite so he’s actually the bad guy all along.’

Was Dick heated before that point? Yup. Did he have reason to be? Also yup. Did Bruce, however, have reason to be heated that Dick had the gall to be coming back to his childhood home to confront him about the fact that after eighteen months of not speaking, when Bruce is the one who CHOSE to not even say goodbye to Dick or make any effort to still make a place for Dick in his life after firing him, with the only possible indication in all that time through which Dick was expected to come up with even an INKLING that Bruce missed him was discovering from reading the paper that Bruce had given his old mantle to a new, even younger partner? Its gonna be a big fat NOPE from me, guys.

There’s an exchange between them a few pages before this that always resonated with me....

Bruce: The truth is, I taught you everything I could. It was time for you to step out on your own.

Dick: So you figured the best thing for you to do was drive me out of your life, right? That’s exactly what you do to anyone who gets too close. Always hurt them before they have a chance to hurt you. It didn’t matter to you that I didn’t have any life other than the one we shared.

Like, I can not express any more clearly why it drives me so B-A-N-A-N-A-S to see people spin this so that it was Bruce that was somehow the victim of his son’s tempestuous, nomadic ways. Like he was somehow left behind, that Dick outgrew him or moved on, and everything Dick felt about Robin after the fact was him throwing spoiled temper tantrums that someone dared pick up something he no longer wanted. Umm. No times infinity and beyond.

Bruce was the one with all the power. Bruce was the one making all the choices. All Dick had, at most, was the choice to either stay somewhere Bruce seemed intent on driving him away from, or go somewhere else. This issue clearly expressed that like. Bruce wasn’t open to talking. Not when he fired Dick as Robin, there was no negotiating that, and even throughout this whole encounter here, where Dick comes here and says “I think you owe me some explanations” because based on everything Bruce was doing and how radically opposed those actions are to the last interactions he and Bruce had, which had a HUGE impact on Dick’s life, yes, he WAS owed explanations here, make no mistake....even here, Bruce spends the whole encounter acting like he’s being unfairly interrogated, like its trying his patience to even have to deal with Dick being there at all....

Phones work two ways, Bruce. There’s two people in this dynamic. If you haven’t heard from Dick in eighteen months, its equally true that he hasn’t heard from you in eighteen months. And if you missed him so damn much, you know what was always a perfectly valid way to express that, which DIDN’T involve anyone else? Picking up the damn phone and calling Dick and telling him that.

Bruce acts like that was never even an option, like HE was the one stuck with limited choices based on Dick’s behavior throughout all this time, and that’s just flat out, unconditionally, one hundred percent, NOT TRUE. Bruce was the one in charge. The one calling the shots. The one with the resources, the power, the authority. Dick was ALWAYS the one who had more to lose, of the two of them.

And Bruce knew all this when he took Dick in. He knew all this when he took Robin away from Dick while the latter was still a teenager, still living at home. And he was the one who failed to even so much as OFFER Dick an alternative take on how he could still be there, still be in Bruce’s life, part of his family, still share in being part of his life, the life the two of them had shared, now that Bruce had made the choice that Dick no longer had the option of living out his part of that life in the manner they’d BOTH built up for him originally.

And yet for so many years, fandom has added insult to injury by acting like the cherry on top here, Bruce giving away the very mantle he took from Dick, like this was somehow completely reasonable because in comparison, Dick is the one being unreasonable. People completely gloss over that little act of Bruce’s to focus instead on how Dick reacted, instead of giving that betrayal of trust its own fair due and focus, and the problem is....they don’t even actually focus on how Dick actually acted! Again, notice it was Dick who approached Bruce, and Bruce who told Dick to leave. It was Dick who had actual cause to be angry, but Bruce who blew up and broke shit because Dick dared demand answers. 

And this is the way Dick leaves things with Jason, btw. I know people know this part by now, mostly at least, about the phone number and such, but how many people have actually SEEN how that played out rather than just heard it summarized in a dry recitation of events that underplays just how that interaction went?

Like, that wasn’t just Dick acting like this was being FORCED upon him and bleeding reluctance at every turn. He went above and fucking beyond to make Jason feel welcomed and secure in his position as Robin. But that’s not how the narrative goes in fandom, is it? Even when acknowledging this part, people act like Dick was at most doing the bare minimum, instead of acknowledging that Dick didn’t owe anyone this at all. No, it wasn’t Jason’s fault he became Robin, but NONE of this was Dick’s fault, Dick’s choice, or Dick’s RESPONSIBILITY. He wasn’t living at home, in Bruce’s life, and he wasn’t adopted yet let alone even still Bruce’s ward at this point. He’d aged out at eighteen. Dick had NO actual ties to Bruce and by extension Jason at this particular moment in time, and thus no ACTUAL obligations to either of them, no matter how much fandom harps on him having failed Jason as a brother back during this time when more accurately, Bruce was actively failing Dick as a father - as in not even being one, but Dick’s responsibilities towards a family he didn’t have at the moment are supposed to be still intact? NOPE. Don’t think so.

But Dick, INSTEAD, puts Jason FIRST, puts him OVER his obviously hurt and bitter feelings to focus on what’s best for Jason here, and gives him literally everything he CAN to do right by Jason here. He gives Jason his own old costume and clear approval, cementing Jason’s place as Robin in a way not even Bruce could when giving it to Jason, because it was never Bruce’s to actually pass on. Jason even wonders earlier in the issue if Dick might want his old role back, and Dick puts that fear to rest, without any hesitation or doubt.

In addition, Dick offers up support and solidarity he doesn’t owe Jason, doesn’t owe anyone, because its HIS time, HIS support, its not something someone can take for granted and yet too many people do....especially considering that in the hyper-fixation on how much support and time Dick supposedly DIDN’T offer or grant Jason, most people pay next to no attention to the fact that it wasn’t like Dick was being given time or support by Bruce, ie Dick is going out of his way to offer stuff he’s not even getting himself, because he RECOGNIZES from that what its like not to have it. Basically what I mean is all that talk about Dick being a hypocrite for doing to others what he complains about Bruce not doing for him? Patently untrue, as we see here, because this is Dick actively acting upon what he’s missing out on by making sure that others don’t miss out on it because of Bruce’s failings or emotional repression.

And look at the end result.....Jason’s enjoying his teamup with Dick, these aren’t two people who look pained at being forced into proximity or acting like the other is a burden to be around or thinking the other doesn’t really want to be here. They were comfortable from practically the word go, because Dick knows how to make people uncomfortable but he also knows how to make people comfortable, and he made the CHOICE, the INTENT to make sure he was someone Jason felt WANTED to be there with him, the complete opposite of someone who is taking out their bitterness or resentment on their replacement or at least not trying to hide it very well.

So my question is.....what the hell else is it people wanted Dick to do? When they cite this issue specifically, at least, when they talk about the time Dick went to Gotham to confront Bruce about Robin, when they talk about the phone number or the costume or the teamup or the things that so often get mentioned in passing like they’re insignificant or the bare minimum or mere formalities that do nothing to take away from all the supposed OTHER asshole behavior that Dick allegedly heaped on Jason despite never actually happening anywhere, even a little bit, and thus that some people claim is just an extrapolation of how Dick PROBABLY acted off the page, given his clear resentment and jealousy....umm. Huh? Based off THIS? Seriously, I mean it. What ELSE was Dick supposed to have done, to counter that take, what else could he POSSIBLY have done to do right by Jason here, that he didn’t actually already do? What exactly did people want from this character, in order to not hold this eternal grudge they have against him for what a big old jerk he was to Jason, who did nothing to deserve it - with that part being true at least, and literally WHY Dick made the point to recognize that and not take out his feelings on Jason?

Like, this will never not be an axe for me to grind because like. The SPIN fandom always gives all this, when look at the last page of this issue......Bruce is watching from a distance, and even he’s like thanks Dick, and that honestly bugs me so much. Because in the end, the only one of these three characters who DIDN’T get what he wanted here, was Dick. Jason got the validation and security as Robin he was looking for, the approval of his predecessor, and words of advice and an offer to listen and be there should he ever want to talk. Bruce got Dick’s validation of the actions Bruce took that he had no right to take when giving his old mantle to Jason, but that Dick ratified all the same, even if it was for Jason’s sake and not Bruce’s. Bruce still got the closure on that particular mistake of his, with the evidence that Dick was willing to see past it for Jason’s sake rather than drag it out....like. Dick is the only one who didn’t get what he was looking for there, he didn’t even get an apology from Bruce for overstepping when he passed on Dick’s mantle, an acknowledgment that this was WRONG, the most Dick got was Bruce admitting for a single panel that he missed him.....before telling Dick to leave and get out and effectively taking back anything Dick could have possibly taken away from that admittance. Because what the fuck does it matter if someone misses you if even though they finally have you right there in front of them, they still tell you to leave again anyway?

In conclusion, I hate this issue, lol, because everybody seems to know what’s in it and yet practically nobody ever seems interested in referencing what’s ACTUALLY in it. Instead just forever playing telephone with the most bad faith interpretation of Dick’s actions possible.

[skylarmoon71]

Nick Jakoby x Reader Oneshot- (Bright)

“Oink, oink over here piggy!” 

The group of men standing in the doorway made you grimace. Damn they pissed you off. Nick walked pass them with his head lowered, trying his best to ignore the rude remarks. You’d just clocked in, and this had become a regular. Their tauntings. You really wanted to body slam all four of them. But you restrained yourself. “Don’t bother with them Nick, their dick heads. “ It was no secret that they hated the male Orc. Nick was by far the sweetest man on the force, and he wasn’t even a man. Which really said something for the unit. 

“I’m used to it, it’s fine.” you frowned. He shouldn’t have to get used to it. He was just as hardworking and diligent as any other cop. You nudged his shoulder with a smile as you walked with him. “Cheer up, in a couple of hours we have that awful dinner to attend. You have worse things ahead." Nick shook his head with a shy smile. “Is that supposed to make me feel better.” 

“Not really.” with a small giggle, you met your partner. Nick headed over to Ward, and your eyes wandered, just admiring him. You had no idea why people gave him such a hard time. It’s true that Orcs sided with the enemy in the past, but that was thousands of years ago. The world had changed so much since then, apparently not in the ways you hoped. 

Nick was so misunderstood and underappreciated. He had so much to offer if he was just given a chance. Not to mention he was a total sweetheart. Pretty handsome too. The final thought erupts a blush to your cheek, one that doesn’t go unnoticed by your partner.

“What’s got you all red in the face?” Jacob, your partner raises an eyebrow, and your face gets darker. “Nothing let’s get going.” he doesn’t quite believe you, and you try to steal one last look at Nick before you have to get going, but Jacob catches the action, a smirk playing on his lips. 

“Shit I knew it!!” His yell catches the attention of everyone in a five mile radius and as the officers stare, you feel Nick’s stare follow. You cower, smacking Jacob who just waves everyone off. When their gazes have diverted, you glare at the man before you. He raises his hands defensively. “Sorry, sorry didn’t mean to cause a scene. Not everyday you discover your partner has a crush. Damn Victoria owes me twenty bucks!” 

“Y-You betted on my love life with your wife!!” 

“Umm, hell yeah I did. Why are you even surprised?” he was right, you shouldn’t have been. You just roll your eyes, and soon the both of you are headed to the squad car. Jacob is still wearing that smug grin as you jump into the vehicle. “So when are you gonna ask him out?” 

“I-I’m not!” 

“You’re kidding, you have to (Y/N)!” Jacob has always been majorly supportive, but you’re still a little anxious. Your head lowers. “Y-You don’t think it’s weird that I..I mean I don’t  care if anyone says anything but I just..I..” The way you're struggling with your words, it’s not hard for Jacob to understand. “Listen, I’d never judge you for something like that. We’re partners (Y/N), practically family now. And honestly Nick is awesome, dude brings me scones every Tuesday cause he passes at my favorite shop on his way to work. He’s a hero in my book.” He lets out a few fake sobs to get his point across and you just groan at his childishness.

“Seriously though, Nick’s a really good guy. Everyone treats him like shit, yet he comes back and tells them to be safe. If it were me, I don’t think I’d be able to handle it that well. He could easily quit, probably just become the monster everyone keeps accusing him of being. But he wakes up and he does the job, all because he loves it, he generally cares about protecting people who don’t give a shit about him. It’s inspiring to watch. There aren’t many people like left in this world (Y/N), if you find someone like that, you should do what you can to hold onto them.” His finger ran over his wedding band, a smile playing on his lips. “That’s what I did.” His smile makes your face brighten, and you nod. 

“I’ll do my best. “ 

So maybe your partner wasn’t a complete idiot. 

That afternoon when you get home, you’re on a mission. Jacob’s advice is ringing in your head. He’s right. So you’ve decided this annual police will be your best yet. You were gonna go all out. You rarely ever get dressed up, too accustomed to dark suit pants and uncomfortable belts. You wanted something to catch Nick’s attention, then maybe it would give you the confidence to finally own up to your feelings and ask the guy out. You jump into the shower. 

“Time to knock them dead. “ 

~Three hours later~

“Quit fidgeting, you look fine.” Ward smacks Nick’s hands away from the tie. He’s been messing with it for the last ten minutes, mostly out of nervousness. This is his first time he’s worn a tux. He feels a bit ridiculous, but with Ward’s assurance, he can only hope he’s pulling it off. They stand at a table making small talk, mostly Ward. 

Nick offers a word here and there. By the looks he keeps getting, he can tell that his opinion isn’t really wanted by the people there. So he busies himself with watching the other people mingling around him. Everyone looks relaxed, sipping wine, helpling themselves to food. He’s never been a fan of this. Every year they hold these little banquets to treat the new recruits and commend exemplary performances throughout the unit. It’s a fun event for the most part. But his fellow coworkers never rest with their harsh opinions. It isn’t even verbal, just by the looks he knows. 

The sound of a few whistles catches his attention. There’s a small commotion at the doorway. He vaguely makes out the edge of purple, and that’s when he notices the man that walks in. But that isn’t what captures his eyes, it’s the woman he’s escorting on his arm. 

Golden orbs widen, and his ears twitch a bit too quickly. He wants to control it, but it’s hard, because the smile that lands in his direction knocks the wind right out of him. “Wow, your girlfriend cleans up nice.” Ward whispers. 

“S-She’s not my girlfriend.” he grumbles back. Now that you’re clear in his view, he can fully admire your dress. It’s a velvet luxe maxi dress. The color is a beautiful lavender. Thin straps at the shoulder, low cut displaying just enough cleavage. And a slit that stops mid thigh, with matching heels to complete the whole look. Your hair is loose, and a very light amount of makeup, highlighting your features. Nick thought you were gorgeous before, but somehow you’ve outdone yourself. He can’t look away, and he really should before you take notice.You settle at a table not too far from him, pulling the focus of a few males present there. With polite smiles and little words, Nick feels a bit envious. 

“Now’s your chance hotshot. Ask her out before one of those hyenas beat you to it.” Nick wants to convince Ward that it’s useless, there’s no way you’d go for someone like him. You’re completely different in every sense of the word. He doesn’t have a chance. As he opens his mouth he’s about to lay out his case, but a sweet lavender scent fills his nostrils, and he wants to question the origin, just then he feels a light tap on his shoulder. He turns, and the heavenly aroma hits him tenfold. Somehow you’ve walked over without him realizing. He’s supposed to be more aware, he’s a cop after all. Your glossed lips turn into a smile as you bat your eyes. 

“Nick..do you wanna maybe dance?” 

The slow sound filling the room, doubled with the couples now filling up the floor catches his eyes. He’s tongue tied, because you can’t really be asking him. Out of all the guys there, why him? Yes, the both of you have been friends for months now, but he’s sort of assumed your kindness was due to pity more than anything else. 

You're still watching him hopefully, and Ward gives an encouraging push. He stumbles, grabbing your shoulders lightly. When he’s steadied himself, he pulls back. “He’d love to.” Ward says. Nick doesn’t get a chance to put in a word for himself, because you smile, taking his hand and pulling him to the center of the dance floor. Nick is staggering behind, trying not to knock into anyone. When you get to your desired area, you turn back to him. Nick is stiff, the both of you are just standing there, a number of eyes on you. “I-I should probably just go, everyone is staring and I’d hate to make you uncomfortable.” 

“I’m not uncomfortable.” His eyes lift, and the way you look at him, it makes his heart hammer. What has he done to deserve your kindness, he has no idea. 

Deciding that you need to be the one to make a move, you take his hands and place them around your waist as you step closer. You can feel the slight tremble in his palms that are pressed to your body now. It’s so adorable. He’s still stiff as a board, but you know he’s trying. He’s probably so touch starved. It hurts to just think about it. Your hands are resting on his chest lightly, and you sigh, swaying with the music. Nick swallows, he’s a bit taller than you, and he’s trying his best not to look down directly at you. With you so close it’s hard for him not to pass out at how amazing you smell. Your hands slide up, going around his neck. His eyes finally meet yours, and the meaning in your eyes, it triggers something in him. “Nick..” you’re whispering, and it breaks his train of thought. “Yeah.” you lick your lips, and he wishes he could just kiss those plump lips. They are begging to be touched.  

“Do you possibly want to-” a hand pulling you from the Orc in your arms makes you jerk. Nick looks just as surprised. The officer standing between the both of you, suddenly it makes sense, and you're pissed. “Run along pig face, she’s tired of you.” Pollard rests a hand on your waist, pulling you into his side, and you shove him back. “You’re the one who’s interrupting, what the hell we were dancing!!” you're enraged. Not only has he messed up your plan to finally ask Nick out, but he’s also insulted him. Nick can see the displeasure on your face, and he’s about to suggest that maybe you leave. The last thing he wants is for you to get caught in the middle of this. He could take Pollard’s insults any day. But he doesn’t want any negative attention drawn to you. 

“Come on you don’t have to give anymore charity, we all know why you do this. You feel bad for little piggy here. Don’t waste your evening on him, how about you come with me. Have some real fun.” It’s almost laughable that he thinks you’ll drop everything and just run off with him. Nick now looks less sure of himself, a bit defeated. It’s then you realize that he must have assumed the same. You’re being nice out of some foolish obligation. You open your mouth to assure him, but stop. This time, words may not be enough. It’s time to take action. So with two swift strides you grab Nick by the lapels of his shirt and pull him in for a kiss. Pollard gapes, and Nick is tense and wide eyed. 

“I’m dreaming…” He has to be. You couldn’t be..kissing him. Your eyes are closed, and you still have a firm hold on his clothing. A few more seconds pass and you pull back slowly. Your eyes move from Nick’s soft lips, to his topaz eyes. The bewildered expression is highly anticipated. 

“If you’ll excuse us, we have business to attend to.” you take Nick’s hand, leaving a stunned Pollard, and a few surprised officers. You don’t even look back, you do however pass Jacob on your way out of the building. He’s grinning probably wider than you. When the door snaps shut behind you and you're free of the intrusive stares, you look at Nick. He’s still in a mid state of shock. “I’m sorry..” you mutter. 

Now that the events play back, you’re bashful. You didn’t even get to ask him out. Nick collects himself slowly, shaking his head. “N-No it’s fine.” An awkward silence follows. You want to say something to cut the tension, but Nick interrupts. “I should take you home.” He doesn't look at you when he says that, and now you're a bit scared that you’ve crossed a line and misread all the signs. Self conscious and mortified, you just nod. Nick’s car is parked close, as he opens the door, you jump inside. He does the same, pulling off. 

The ride is anything but pleasant. It’s so quiet you can hear a pin drop. Nick is staring ahead, and the look he wears is unreadable. 

“I ruined everything.” You should have never done that, especially since you weren’t even sure of any feelings. He must be completely disgusted with you. You're thankful that the ride isn’t long, because in a few minutes he pulls up. You don’t make any kind of eye contact, just whisper a thanks, opening the door and stepping out. 

You want to cry, how did the night turn so horrible that quickly. As you close the vehicle door, you all but sprint to your house, taking out your keys and opening your front door. You don’t even bid him goodbye, you just focus on getting inside. You do, stepping in and leaning back as you shut the door. “Idiot!” you scold yourself. “I’m an idiot..” you bite your lip. How would you ever face him again. 

The knock at your door makes you jump, and you turn, opening the door hesitantly. You peek outside, a bit surprised. “N-Nick..” He’s staring at you, maybe wanting answers for all that happened. You step back, letting him inside. He’s the one that closes the door this time. 

“Why did you kiss me?” Blunt, to the point. From the look, you know he’s just as conflicted by all of this as you. Now might be your last chance. You’ve already kissed him, what was the harm in telling him the truth. It might help you both.

“Because I..It’s what I’ve wanted to do for months now. “ you confess. His forehead creases in astonishment. “Nick I’ve..I’ve had it bad for you for so long and it makes my blood boil every time I hear the way they talk to you! You’re so caring and selfless and goddamn hot to me and I wish everyone could see how amazing you are if they’d just give you an opportunity.” you’re rambling, but you don’t care. “That jackass Pollard ruined everything I had this whole night planned out, I was gonna wow you with this dress and then finally ask you out but then he came with his false macho bullshit and it just pissed me off and that’s why I grabbed you like that to show him that this isn’t some charity I actually am crazy about you and I..” you heave, for a minute there you forgot you should breathe. “I’m so crazy about you Nick.” 

He’s still just standing there, and now you’ve given him a chance to speak. From his expression, he doesn’t know what to say. You were so out of his league. 

“I don’t understand why you would..why..” that self conscious  look, you’ve seen it many times. 

“Nick, I want you.” he stops, eyes opening a bit wider now. “I’m tired of you being so hard on yourself. You have nothing to be ashamed of.  “ you take a step forward, and he doesn’t move a muscle. “Truthfully, when I saw you earlier in this tux, I almost passed out. “ your hands reach out, going back to where they had been before Pollard stepped in. Resting right on his broad shoulders. Another thing about him that made you swoon was his build. He was nicely muscular. It just messed you up. He needs a moment to gather his breath. “Nick do you..want me?” 

“Of course!” his shout, as unexpected as it is, it makes you smile. He looks away at how desperate it sounded. “That’s good..” you don’t clarify, just lean in, and this time when your lips meet, he still doesn’t really prepare. It’s so tender, almost tentative. When he finally convinces his mind that it’s real, his hands wrap around your body, pulling you in. You sigh, and Nick responds, returning the kiss. Your head is in the clouds, You feel like you’re dreaming, if that’s the case you want to stay forever. You open your mouth, urging him to do the same, he does, taking control. 

You moan when he pushes you up against the door, now kissing you hungrily. One of his hands drift down to your bare thigh, and another needy sound releases. You can’t stop it and you don’t want to. His free hand presses to the door, and your hands grip at the clothes on his back. You’re trying to pull him forward, and he complies, pressing into you. It feels so great, his firm body trapping you there. There’s a low growl that comes from Nick, and somehow you’re even more turned on. Your hands have ventured back to the front of his tux, unbuttoning it quickly. It falls open and your fingers slip under the jacket, reveling in the taunt muscles. 

Gosh does he feel amazing. Nick feels you start to pull at the shirt, he forces himself to part. When you’ve separated, you’re both flushed and panting. Nick still believes maybe he’s at home sleeping somehow. The new scent that fills the air nearly makes his knees buckle. Your lust is so prominent, he can almost taste it. Your chest is still heaving, but you're slowly coming down from your high, so is Nick. It’s then you realize what was about to happen if not for Nick’s pause. You feel a bit embarrassed now. You hug yourself, blushing a deep red. 

“S-Sorry, guess I kind of got a bit crazy..” Nick smiles. “You don’t have to apologize.” He’d be stupid to make you feel bad about such a thing. He was just as equally responsible. Fact is, it took everything in him to stop himself. As much as he wants this to progress, he also wants more than just a heated night with you. He wants so much more. 

“(Y/N), I’d..really like to take you out sometime..” he mumbles it, still fairly insecure about it all. The way your eyes light up though, his fears are all gone. You don’t respond, and he doesn’t need one because you jump into his arms, pressing a kiss to his cheek, grinning like a child on Christmas.

“You don’t even have to ask, it’s a yes.” you  whisper in his ear. He holds you close, breathing in your scent. He wants to lock that away forever. He wants this to last forever. For now though, just being with you now, it’s enough.

[ijustwant2write]

Estranged-Fred Weasley x Malfoy!Reader

(GIF credit to @genterie​)

Tags: @obsessedwithrandomthings​

Masterlist

Prompts List

Requested by anonymous: 'Love your writing it’s amazing! I was thinking of a Fred Weasley imagine where he doesn’t die. And after the war, he falls in love with Draco’s twin. And like her parents accept it because all they want is for her to be happy. (They learned from their past mistakes)'

Characters: Fred Weasley x Malfoy!Reader, Molly Weasley x Reader (platonic), Lucius Malfoy x Reader (father), Narcissa Malfoy (mother)

Meanings: (Y/N)=Your name

Warnings: Swearing, mention of death, mention of abuse/bad childhood, estranged family relationships, judgement, reconnecting, lots and lots of fluff

                                   *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

(Y/N) Malfoy felt people staring at her as she walked down the street, some in disgust, others just intrigued as to why she would show her face after all these years. Her platinum hair gave away her identity, as well as her fine clothes that were clearly expensive. She didn’t want to flaunt, but she had earned these items now, after working to build up a reputation again since...since the battle.

Why couldn’t it be normal for her now? Yes, she had been on the wrong side, but she and her brother, Draco, didn’t have a choice. Their last few years at Hogwarts had been miserable, all because their families had made ties to the Dark Lord. (Y/N) had always been quiet, almost mute when she was younger; although she wanted to speak up about many things, defend anyone her brother was bullying, explain how she didn’t agree with her parents views on wizards who weren’t pure bloods. But she was always too scared, she didn’t want her father to yell at her like he did Draco, or that one time she tried saving a house elf from a beating (that had caused many nightmares to occur). The only time she did use her voice was when she convinced her brother to spare Potter, to lie, to make sure that their fellow classmates could live; although taught from a young age that they were superior, she realised how wrong her families’ beliefs were.

Shops turned silent when she entered, conversations were only whispers, the shop keepers not serving her with the same warmth as everyone else. As usual, she kept quiet, quickly paying for her things then leaving. Deep down, (Y/N) had always known she wouldn’t be normal like anyone else, but she could try. 

As she left, keeping her head down again, someone bumped into her with such a force that it sent her flying to the ground. She yelped out, instantly feeling pain shoot up the arm she landed on, her shopping falling out of the bag and scattering around. No one helped her, they walked past as she struggled to gather everything.

 “What a bunch of twats.” someone snapped, and she recognised the voice.

Looking beside her, out of all the people in the world, Fred Weasley had bent down to help her.“Fred?”

He sadly smiled, helping her to her feet as he held her bags.“In the flesh. You alright?”

“Yeah.” she breathed out.“Thank you.”

“No problem. I haven’t seen you for years.”

She ducked her head.“Yes, it’s been a while.”

He sensed her anxiousness.“Are you sure you’re OK?”

She cleared her throat, ignoring the pain in her arm.“Now I am.”

“Hey, why don’t we go grab a drink? You know, catch up?”

She looked up in surprise.“Y-you want to hang out with me?”

“Yeah, why wouldn’t I?”

Flashbacks to all the times her brother spoke down to their family, the moments where she didn’t stick up for them or tell Draco to back down. And when her family fought against the Weasley’s at the battle. She had heard from witnesses that Molly Weasley was the one to kill her aunt, Bellatrix Lestrange (although it didn’t sadden her, Bellatrix had always made (Y/N) uncomfortable and scared). Yet here Fred was, kindly offering a hand. Sensing her hesitation, he nodded, understanding now.

“I don’t hold grudges (Y/N), especially against those who haven’t done anything wrong.”

(Y/N)’s tense posture relaxed, thanking him once again as she went to take her bags from him. However, he retracted his arms, holding them away from her. 

“So, are you coming?” he grinned.

Surprisingly, (Y/N) nodded straight away, laughing as she tried to grab her bags again. He laughed with her, already walking away as she caught up. She recognised the route, they were heading towards Diagon Alley, soon stepping into The Leaky Cauldron. Luckily it wasn’t full of people, they had come at a quiet time, though she still chose a table in the far corner, slightly hidden away. Fred went to get their drinks, leaving her alone with her thoughts. He was being so nice, no one had been like that in a long time.

“I can’t believe how long it’s been.” Fred sighed as he settled back in his seat, handing (Y/N) a drink.

“I don’t really want to think about the last time we saw each other.” she mumbled, looking down at her hands.

“No, me neither.” he quickly changed the subject.“Well, what’s been happening in your neck of the woods?”

“Not much I’m afraid. No one wants to be around a Malfoy.”

“I’m here aren’t I?”

She bravely looked into his eyes.“You’re just being sweet.”

“What about your brother?”

“Draco is fine. He’s actually met someone, it seems serious.”

“Wow, Draco Malfoy is settling down?”

“Yep. I’m happy for him.” she asked the next question before she could think about it.“Have you found anyone?”

He scoffed a laugh.“No, still stuck with my brother at the shop.”

“You know, I only ever went in there once. Draco caught me, he dragged me out of there.”

“What a prick.” Fred closed his eyes, sighing when he realised what he said.“Sorry, just used to saying that.”

She giggled, making him smile.“No, you’re right. He used to be the worst at times. But he’s better now, more understanding. He has a lot more respect for people.”

“And you’re talking more.”

“Yes, I suppose so.”

“You used to be so quiet. I remember the first time you spoke, it’s all anyone ever talked about.”

“I had always been told to keep my mouth shut or face a consequence. It comes and goes, though I’m happier now. Much happier.”

“Me too.”

That first meeting turned into another, then one more after that, before they found themselves seeing each other every week. These ‘catch-ups’ became much more than that. (Y/N) had laughed more than she had in her entire life, and Fred found it easier to open up to her about the past. They no longer met up in public, Fred mostly visiting her small home (not the lavish Malfoy Manor he had heard so much about) as it was more private and further away from anyone else. Drinks phased into dinner, dinner moved onto staying the night; both couldn’t wait to wake up next to each other, loosely snuggled up before tightening their embrace as they stirred. 

They got away with keeping it a secret for months, except from one individual. George wondered where his brother disappeared to, teasing Fred when he came to the shop late and dishevelled. He dared to follow Fred one night, shocked when he saw (Y/N) kissing him. George gently brought it up, at first upset that Fred had been bewitched by a Malfoy. After the three sat down, George saw (Y/N) for who she truly was; she was scared about what George thought, though when he saw how they lifted each other up, he knew this was the right thing.

George had been accepting. But what about everyone else? (Y/N) had thrown up the day of meeting the Weasley family. Fred convinced his parents to not invite anyone else, just let it be the four of them. He also forgot to mention that (Y/N) was a Malfoy. She had to refrain from crying the whole way there, breathing deeply and thinking about something else to avoid a panic attack. She recognised the shock look on Mr and Mrs Weasley’s faces as she walked into the Burrow, their lovely smiles vanishing almost instantly. 

“Mum, dad, this is (Y/N).” Fred proudly said, not afraid to wrap his arm around (Y/N)’s waist.

“H-hello.” (Y/N) shakily said, desperately trying to stop her nerves from getting the better of her.

The sound of the poor girl’s voice made Molly’s heart break. Everyone knew of their quarrel with the Malfoy’s, but seeing such the young, intimidated and quiet girl made her forget all of that. It had been slightly awkward at first, but Fred helped ease everyone into conversation, and by the end of the night, there were smiles on everyone’s faces. As they said their goodbyes, Molly had a chance to pull (Y/N) aside, seeing her son and husband deep in conversation.

“Thank you for tonight Mrs Weasley, it’s been lovely.” (Y/N) said, finally feeling comfortable.

Molly had seen (Y/N)’s surprised expression when they had been welcoming to her (once the shock of being a Malfoy went away). This girl had never received this type of attention, Molly imagined the only time the family was together was for silent dinners and public outings. But her personality around Fred was calmer, she looked reassured. (Y/N) needed love, she needed that experience of being part of one big happy family.

“You are welcome here anytime dear.” Molly smiled, squeezing (Y/N)’s hands.

When Fred managed to get (Y/N) away from his mother, she had been gushing about everything that had been said that night.

“Did you hear what she said to me?!” (Y/N) exclaimed.

“Yes, you’ve repeated it many times.” he chuckled.

The happiness remained until Fred brought up the question (Y/N) had been dreading.

“So when can I meet your parents?”

Although (Y/N) desperately wanted to skip that milestone in their relationship, it seemed unfair that she had met the Weasley’s, and Fred wouldn’t meet the Malfoy’s. (Y/N) hadn’t kept much contact with her parents, mostly letters to her mother, even though there wasn’t much to talk about. One night when she was writing one of the said letters, Fred had been looking over her shoulder, convincing her to mention the relationship. (Y/N) found it incredibly hard to put pen to paper, not writing Fred’s name, but explaining how far this relationship of hers had gone. Her mother penned back, expressing how much she wanted to meet the mystery man. It was finally time to do so.

“Should I have got a different suit?” Fred stressed as they made their way to her parent’s house.

“No, why?” she asked.

“Because...well, it’s nice, but not as nice as the ones your dad wears.”

“I don’t want you to dress like my father. I want you to be you. And are you sure you’re alright going there?”

“Are you?”

She thought about it.“Not really. I just keep telling myself that it’s just a house, there’s nothing more to it.”

As they stood outside Malfoy Manor, (Y/N)’s heart rate increased, She felt Fred’s hand become sweaty, but that could have been her’s too. Now looking at it, it felt much more gloomier, more haunting. But they only had to be here tonight, no longer than that. Of course her parents didn’t greet her straight away, the door opened by itself, and the couple cautiously walked in. (Y/N) flinched as the door shut, remembering how much she hated this place. It was so different to the Burrow; (Y/N) knew she should have been grateful for a manor as a home, with lavish decor and large amounts of land, but that could never replace the safe feeling you were supposed to feel at home. 

“(Y/N).” her mother, Narcissa, gasped as she entered the room.

(Y/N) crumbled at the sight of her mother, knowing that she wanted their relationship back to how it used to be. But she still didn’t rush to hug her, casually walking over. Narcissa took in (Y/N)’s features, smiling as she thought about how beautiful her daughter was. Hugging her like only a mother could, she didn’t let go early, hating how long it had been since they saw each other. When they pulled away, Narcissa noticed the man, hiding her surprise when she saw he was one of the Weasley boys. (Y/N)’s shoulders ached from how tense they were as her mother approached Fred, opening her arms to him. Her mouth almost dropped open, as did Fred’s as he returned the hug. Narcissa no longer cared about being part of a ‘superior’ family; (Y/N) was happy with this man, and he had managed to bring her daughter back to her.

"Come you two, we have drinks waiting for you." Narcissa smiled, gesturing for them to walk ahead of her.

(Y/N) grasped onto Fred's hand again, feeling her breathing become deeper at the thought of seeing her father. Fred didn't want to push any boundaries in front of her parents, but he would be damned if he let (Y/N) become upset. He wanted to come to ensure that her family gave their blessing, it would feel wrong not to come; but if this was the last time she wanted to see them, then so be it.

Walking into the drawing room, (Y/N) unintentionally gripped onto Fred's hand harder, almost digging her nails in. There were no complaints from him as Lucius Malfoy turned around. He looked a lot better than the last time he saw him, though he had definitely aged, and being part of Voldemort's army hadn't helped with that.

"(Y/N), welcome home." Lucius said, his usual cold tone in his voice.

"Thank you father." she whispered, going back to her quiet self.

"So, he's a Weasley then?"

"Yes sir." Fred spoke, not afraid anymore.

(Y/N)'s head whipped up to look at Fred, then to her father. Lucius narrowed his eyes, stepping forward until Narcissa stopped him.

"Lucius." she warned."We've just got them back."

"Them?" (Y/N) questioned.

"Draco visited only last week. We met Astoria." Narcissa explained.

"He finally did it."

"What? You knew about her?"

Fred squeezed (Y/N)'s hand, silently encouraging her to go on."I send letters to Draco too. We've both been petrified to come back."

"Why?" Lucius had the audacity to ask.

"I'm with a Weasley. You belittled them for years. And it pains me to say that I stood back and did nothing. Never did I imagine that I would be forgiven by them, let alone fall in love with one."

She couldn't believe how forward she was being. But they were all listening intently.

"I've grown since I've left here. Fred has helped me to change, change for the better. I have missed you both, but you can't deny that we weren't a normal family."

Lucius and Narcissa exchanged a look, a wave of sadness washing over them. They had been caught up in the Dark Lord's work, wanting to fulfill the purpose they had been taught from a young age. They assumed their children would follow in their footsteps. Oh how wrong they were. And they regretted every second of it.

"(Y/N)," Narcissa calmly started, slowly stepping towards the couple,"we cannot express how much we regret abandoning you as a child. We weren't focused on raising our family. Losing you and Draco was the worst pain I have ever felt in my life. Your letters have been the only thing bringing us a small amount of joy each week."

"Your mother is right."

Though his face was stern, anyone could see that Lucius meant what he said. He just didn't know how to express that.

"I can no longer tell you what to do or who to be around." he said."Your mother and I have had many long conversations about this particular topic, about you and Draco. We want you to move on, be with someone who will give you a good life and treat you better than we ever did."

This was too much for (Y/N), this was the longest they had ever thought about their feelings ever. She was frozen, unsure if this was a cruel trick. Were they really going to be happy for her?

"A-are you..." she steadied her shaky breath as tears fell from her face."Are you being serious?"

Narcissa's eyes widened at the thought of this being fake."Of course darling. I can't lose you again."

"(Y/N), we are happy for you both." Lucius added.

That sent her over the edge. She made up that she needed a minute, rushing out of the room. Fred didn't hesitate to run after her, calling her as she ran outside. (Y/N) collapsed onto the steps to the door, head in her hands as she sobbed.

"(Y/N), hey, it's alright. I'm here, I'm here with you." he gently said, sitting beside her.

She felt him pull her hands away."I just...I just can't process...did they really say all of that?"

He smiled, wiping away the tears on her cheeks."Yes. They love you. I know you've been through all those hard years, and this is a huge shock. It's going to take time to get used to."

"I'm so happy you're here with me."

"Be a bit awkward if you said you had a boyfriend and didn't show up with one, wouldn't it?"

She let out a short laugh, and he knew that she was calming down."Let it all out love. If you want to, we'll go back inside. If not-"

"No, I think I need to do this. You're with me, that's all I need to continue."

He held her face in his hands, slowly leaning in and pressing a small kiss on her lips."I love you."

"I love you more."

"We've got this, we're in this together, always."

[practicalmagicintuitions]

“The fates lead the willing and drag the unwilling”

I was thinking about that last MT podcast HC had when he mentioned stoicism and a book I have but I haven’t read yet. So I decided to deep dive in a little bit because I studied philosophy at the university at a very basic level but I always wanted to know more, so this seems a good occasion. I am also interested in what HC could see in this philosophy school. I think we all know at this point he is interested in things that interest his people, not necessarily him or he is dropping ideas, new things fast. So one part of this will be a summary of stoicism because I feel many people have misconceptions or don’t know what is this just saying this is sh*t even don’t have the slightest idea about it. The other part will be a little HC armchair analysis by me throughout this topic. And I also decided to read the book he mentioned - Viktor E. Frankl Man's Search for Meaning - and maybe I will walk through it or give you a summary if you interested. 

Bare with me, because this turned out to be long, but I had to get out his from my system.

Not soon after the pandemic and the lockdown started in 2020 Penguin Random House said the print sales of Marcus Antonius’s Meditations are up 28% for the first quarter of 2020 vs 2019, while print sales of Letters from a Stoic are up 42% for the same period. The ebook sales rose by 356% . This boom was because of the pandemic but the popularity of modern stoicism has been an upcoming thing for a while especially since people like Bill Gates or Warren Buffet allegedly used stoicism in their business and Thomas Kaplan is supporting a Stoicism Course at Brown University. But unfortunately, modern stoicism has become kind of a ready-made lifehack, a self-helping method, that’s why books like Ryan Holiday’s one could be published and becomes a success. This is where I see modern stoicism’s faults. 

Stoicism seems a good school to support or to follow in the pandemic because this is about we have to accept the things we have no control over. Probably that’s why the sales went up. This is about don’t letting uncontrollable things or events messing with your judgment and clarity. Fear, screams, panic, rages don’t help. And I think we can agree this is true. Aurelius wrote his Meditations in the middle of a battle when his men were dying not just because of the fights but because of a pox epidemic and top of that he was an Emperor. So to maintain his sanity he had become a stoic. He didn’t have an influence on the epidemic so he just accept it and didn’t spend his energy raging about it. 

Stoicism was founded by Zenon around 300 BC. And it was a thriving and popular school without huge wars or pandemics or anything. Back then it was not a reaction to something but a preparation for something. More directly prepare yourself the thing you cannot be prepared for. And probably this is the OG stoicism most valuable teaching that there are events in this world we simply cannot control. What we can control however how we react to those events. Are we remain calm or think this is a catastrophe. Let see a very basic example. We are mortals, we will die no matter what. This is a sure event we have no control over. What we can control that our view on this. Will we panic? Refuse to even talk about death or refuse to make a will because “OMG I will die then!!” Like spoiler alert, it will happen, will or no will. Or we understand our time is limited and try to enjoy it and not see smaller inconveniences are tragedies. I am sure we all know people who think if they spill themselves over with coffee or the handle of the grocery’s bag comes off it’s a pure tragedy and they are capable of thinking about this all day as something it is happening with them always an exclusively. 

Until this, I think it’s all good we can use this in our daily life. What is dangerous in the OG stoicism is that the stricter wing of it thought emotions as a whole or almost all of it cause confusion so you basically should eliminate emotions to have that clarity on life. That’s why Diogenes wrote that the wise is emotionless. And this is the main and very valid criticism again stoics, that with taking away the emotions they basically ripping of humans from something very unique valuable, important, because our emotions make us humans. And because living totally emotionless is kinda impossible this goal is not realistic, so it causes many frustrations ( oh my... even more emotions!) Because think about it, who are described as emotionless? Psychopaths. 

You have cases, events, when your emotions, even overflowing ones are right and acceptable and suppressing them, could be dangerous. Because realistic or not Marcus Aurelius and Seneca and the other stoics idea was not just watching the world and letting things happen, shrugging a shoulder and say nothing, no! Their philosophy and aim were to eliminate the bothering things which not let you think calmly. And since we are talking about philosophy the reality of this in practice is secondary. Critics also think ( and maybe the modern stoicism is going in this direction) that a hardcore stoics care only about themself and their egos while Seneca says friendships are important and in general most stoics accepted positive feelings (to a certain extent).

Stoicism comes back to life mostly in psychotherapy around 1900 by Paul Dubois ( before him there was another new wave of stoicism in the 16th century) and that’s where Victor E Frankle is connected to this topic. I haven’t read his book yet but I know his method is called logotherapy (logos= meaning) and this was born in the deepest existential crisis when his whole family was killed in a concentration camp and he felt he had remained only one personal freedom, the way how he reacts to the circumstances. Frankle invented his own method so he is not just planted some ancient in the modern world but he in fact thought Socrates and his philosophy is his inspiration. I won’t talk about this more until I read his book. 

* I wanted to listen to the whole podcast again, but I couldn’t so I just went to the part we care about now.

So they are talking about morning routines and he mention that one of his teachers in primary school said to him “Always expect the unexpected” This is pure stoicism and while I am not suggesting he is lying I noticed he likes to blend his current interest with his childhood memories like when he said at the WitcherCon how they had to build a fantasy castle in the school (or something) and this was such good preparation for him because he has a fantasy series now. Convenient right?

So he mentioned the teacher and a little later hinting that he is into stoicism lately. Question is, which comes first? The teacher with the stoic idea or the stoicism as a new interest somehow repainted his childhood memories? 

Then he again is talking about the stoic’s way of control. Or does he? 

“ focusing on the thing you can control and make yourself better to control them” 

This was never part of the OG philosophy because that is not about being a control freak. It is actually the opposite. If you cannot control something let it go, not force things to go on your way and if you failed then you let go. 

The next part it’s not about this topic but I have to mention it because I kinda overlooked it when I listed this at the first time.

He is asked about the fitness industry’s mistakes and he said

“I wouldn’t be the kinda person to point my finger at anyone and say there is a big mistake there…. I wouldn’t ever want to point to finger at anyone saying there is a mistake “

So… should I insert the FO post here? And I know the question and the answer was about fitness but he clearly has no problem pointing fingers at people. 

This leads to us again to the control topic. His FO post is creaming about controlling. “ You don’t like the way I am dating? You don’t like I have a covid romance? Then I will tell you what to do and how to behave because I need to have control over my fandom”

When the host asked him about overcoming obstacles he mention the book - Victor E. Frankl Man's Search for Meaning. (he also said it’s difficult to give advice…)

While he is talking about the book (and for me, it’s clear that the host doesn’t give a damn about this) so HC’s whole tone is changed. Just compare when he is talking about MT and training and so on, he is so irritating and unlistenable but here he is calmer, doesn’t use his voice so expressively, doesn’t emphasise that much in a sentence etc. This to me shows he is actually craving after something more, something deeper, something serious. Not just talking about his ties and blueberry smoothies. I don’t think is dumb (I think he has dumb choices thought) I think he could be more both as an actor both as an individual because when he was talking about the book I felt he has a true, genuine interest and it was a one-second opportunity to talk about something interesting not just fart powder.  

I feel his interest in stoicism is an attempt to validate why he is oppressing his feelings. I am sure he does this because he is uncomfortable with his feelings, past and present. For example, I think instead of the bullying his main trauma is being sent away from home to a boarding school and experiencing cold treatment from his mom (the infamous stop calling story). But he oppressing this because I guess all of his brothers he is looking up to loves their mom and he feels he needs to be a good son but questioning his mom means he is a bad one. So instead of admitting that he is hurt and damaged by it he is saying the bullying was his worst experience. 

This means to me he doesn’t understand stoicism, ancient or modern he just wants and moreover, he needs something he can hold and cling to, something that gave himself meaning. As a book’s title says: Man’s search for meaning. And I feel HC does this maybe a little bit desperately. Searching for the answers and this moment he thinks stoicism is the key to finding what he is looking for while in reality, the main problem is he doesn’t ask the right questions. And without them, he won’t find any answer. Or meaning. 

Title quote from Seneca

[freedom-of-writing]

The Stable Girl

Wayhaught AU: 

Waverly of the house Earp is a young princess supposed to marry the champion of the tournament organized by her father, the king, for her 21st birthday. Nicole is the new stable girl with big dreams of becoming a knight of the king's guard. What will happen when these two elements, minding their own business, finally connect? Will they become love?

Chapter 1 – Waverly’s birthday

Her 21st birthday was supposed to be the most magical day of her life. She’d been planning that day for years now. But unfortunately, things don’t always go as planned. Actually, for her it seemed like they never went as planned. Her eldest sister Willa had gotten married 4 years prior, and she had moved to another castle with her husband, prince Robert Svane. Not that she missed her. Willa had always been a bully to her. As for her other big sister Wynonna, she was a knight of the king’s guard, their father’s army, and she’d been away for ten months now. She was probably still fighting some battle, or just getting really drunk in some tavern with the rest of the knights. She’d promised she’d be back for her birthday, but she must’ve forgotten. As always. And that was it. The only other people she talked to in the castle were her two handmaids, Stephanie and Chrissy. When they were younger, she used to consider them her friends, but with time she’d come to realize they only cared about gossip, beautiful dresses and boys. She was way too educated to settle for their company. What she really needed was someone with whom she could talk about literature and science, and do all kinds of things that were not necessarily girly.

When she was a kid, she and Wynonna used to hang out with the stable boys, or the king’s guard rookies. They would wrestle each other and spar with wooden swords, and in the hot season they would ride to a lake only a few miles away from the castle, and they would swim, and talk, and play around… She missed doing all those things. But mostly, she missed being allowed to hang with her sister and the boys. It’d been so long since she’d felt that carefree and happy. Seven years to be precise. On her 14th birthday her father told her she was no longer a kid, and it was time for her to start behaving like a proper lady. She’d never understood why Wynonna was allowed to be a tomboy, while she had to give it all up. But maybe it’s because their father simply viewed his middle daughter as a lost cause. Which might also be why he had given her an ultimatum: either she got married and started acting like a lady, or she trained to become a knight of the king’s guard. But Waverly, she wasn’t stubborn enough to go against her father’s will. And that led her to years spent following Willa around and mimicking her every move, while her sister basically treated her like her personal slave. Finally, when Willa got married, Waverly was left alone. Apart from some brief visits from Wynonna, she’d been alone for 4 years now. At first it had felt very lonely, but with time she got used to the peace and quiet, and most of all, to the company of a good book or some music. She would spend most of her days in the library, reading books, playing piano and singing. When her father wasn’t at home, she would go to the stables and spend hours with the horses, the dogs and Lady Jane, a ginger cat who seemed to dislike every human but her. But she would always make sure not to be alone with the stable boys. She could see the hungry looks on their faces whenever they saw her, and that made her extremely uncomfortable. Wynonna had warned her about that: “beware of the boy who’s turned into a man, for he wants a woman not a friend”. Sometimes her sister could be quite poetic. But she was right. Those who used to be her friends now scared her, and she did not want to be alone in their presence.

Anyways, back to her birthday. You’d think having to spend it all alone was the worst of it, but no. It gets even worse. Apparently, her father had decided 21 was the perfect age for her to become officially a lady. Someone’s lady, to be precise. Her dreams of travelling and exploring the world after coming of age were all shattered by the king’s wish to find her a husband. He would have never said it out loud, but Waverly knew her father couldn’t wait to get rid of her, as bad as it sounds. She never understood why he hated her so much. He was always so attentive when it came to Willa and Wynonna, but with her… sometimes she felt like he didn’t even remember he had a third daughter. Wynonna had always told her he only became so harsh when their mother left. But why punishing his six-year-old kid for a decision his wife had made? It was not her fault she chose to leave her family behind and start a new life somewhere else. If it were for Waverly, she would have gladly left with her mother. At least the queen had always been caring and loving with her. Everything her father had never been. He had never given a damn about what she wanted, nor had he ever bothered giving her a choice.

“You’ll be a grown woman soon. It’s time we find you a husband. You can’t live under your father’s roof forever.” He had told her a month before.

Not wasting any time, he had come up with the perfect plan to find a suitor for his daughter: in honor of the princess’s birthday, the king was to host a week-long tournament, and lords and princes from all over the realm were to come and fight for a chance to win her hand.

Waverly had lost count of how many men she had to welcome and greet in the past couple of days. And it wasn’t even over yet. The last of the party were to arrive that morning, so not even on her birthday was she allowed to have some time for herself and do something she liked. That’s why she had ordered her handmaids to come wake her up early that morning. Obedient as always, Chrissy and Stephanie had knocked on her door at 7 am, two hours before the first guests would be arriving to meet her. In just a little over an hour she was up and ready, which meant she had quite some time to spend on her own before meeting her father in the throne room. The two girls had tried to convince her to let them stay so they could celebrate her birthday together over breakfast, but she had a long day ahead of her, and she really needed some peace and quiet before it started.

When the two had left, she sat down by the window to look out at the garden. Opening it a little, she let the cool breeze run through her stray locks, and she took a deep breath in. She was wearing a huge silver gown with high-heeled shoes. And her hair was tied up behind her head with little lilac flowers in it. The fresh air and the peaceful atmosphere of the garden made her forget about how uncomfortable those clothes were, and for a moment she imagined being little carefree Waverly, running barefoot in the grass chasing butterflies and dreaming about flying up in the sky with them. Her mother would be sitting under a tree making her a flower crown, while Wynonna would be chasing squirrels up the trees like a little monkey. And Willa… well she would be inside with their father, learning how to rule a kingdom. As far as Waverly could remember, Willa had never played outside with them. Wynonna used to say her big sister loved playing with her when they were little, but she was the heir and their father wanted to be sure she knew how to rule the kingdom once he was gone. That’s why Willa had stopped being a kid quite early on.

It was almost the end of summer, and the trees were starting to look less green than before. A light shade of yellow tinted the leaves, and the grass was no longer covered in flowers. In just a few weeks most of the birds would be gone as well, flying away to look for a warmer place to spend the winter. Waverly remembered a conversation she had with her mother on her sixth birthday. The last they spent together.

“The garden is a magical place, my little one. The grass, the trees, the animals moving around… everything’s alive. And everything keeps changing. I could stare at it every day for the rest of my life and never get tired. If you look closely, there’s always something new to admire.”

“But in winter it gets kinda sad. The birds all leave, and the squirrels hide. It all looks kind of naked without leaves and flowers.”

“Life’s a circle, baby girl. The old die so the new can thrive. But there’s beauty even in the silence of a sleeping garden.”

“I miss you, mama.” Waverly whispered at the wind as a tear fell down her cheek.

The king had told everyone the queen had died of a sudden illness, but the three princesses knew she had just left because she couldn’t take that life any longer. Wherever she was, Waverly imagined her sitting in the grass with her eyes closed as she listened to what nature had to say around her. And she was happy. At peace.

Speaking of, her own peace was interrupted by a knock on the door. It was time. Two of his father’s guards had come to escort her to the throne room, where the king was already waiting for her. With a heavy sigh, Waverly got up and closed the window, taking one last deep breath in. Then she turned and followed the guards outside.

-------------------------------------------------------------------

“Father.” She greeted with a slight bow when she reached the throne.

Her father barely bowed his head in return before motioning for her to take her seat by his right side. Once she was seated, she noticed lord John Henry Holliday, the king’s hand, had also taken his place on the other side of the throne. Doc, as he liked to be called, was a middle-aged man, with black hair and a thick black mustache. His beautiful blue eyes met hers briefly and he smiled warmly at her. She had never spent much time with him, but the man had always been really nice and sweet with her.

“Happy birthday, princess.” He mouthed at her.

“Thank you.” She mouthed back with a bright smile.

It was in that moment that she realized her father had not even bothered wishing her a happy birthday when she entered the room. But he probably didn’t even remember it was today. He had never really been aware of her birthday. If it weren’t for Doc, she was sure, he wouldn’t have even remembered she was turning 21 that year.

The noise of heavy footsteps approaching the room brought her back to reality. The captain of the guards, who had been charged to escort each guest to the throne room, entered the room and announced the first lord.

“Welcome to Purgatory, lord Lance” Doc greeted him once the man was standing in front of the throne.

Lord Lance nodded briefly at him, before bowing to the king. “Your majesty.” Then, turning towards Waverly, he bowed slightly to her as well. “Princess.”

“If you will, please, follow the guards, they’ll show you to your room. You can rest and get changed. The king and the princess will see you at lunch.” Doc told him.

“Thank you, lord Holliday.” He nodded again, and then he turned to follow the guards out of the room.

“These Lance… are they rich?” The king asked once the man had left.

“Very rich, your majesty.”

“Good. He seems nice too.”

“He could be father…” Waverly whispered making sure her father wouldn’t hear her.

If she really had no choice but to get married, couldn’t she at least marry a man her age? She thought to herself with a heavy sigh. This birthday was slowly turning into her worst nightmare. She could almost feel tears forming in her eyes, but she could not cry right now. The morning had just begun, she had to keep it together. With a deep breath, she pushed back the tears, and she put on a smile as the next guest was admitted into the room.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

The morning had seemed to last forever. The last of the guests arrived when everyone was ready to go to lunch, and the king refused to meet him. Doc had tried to convince Waverly to go with the king, but she refused. She hated this whole meeting and greeting the guests, but these men had come from all over the realm just for her, and the least she could do was welcoming them into her home as a princess should do. Obviously, her gesture did not go unnoticed, and the lord made sure she knew how grateful he was for her patience. He was an old man, almost completely bold, but at least he’d proved to be very polite, offering Waverly his arm as they walked to the dining room.

After an hour, Waverly was getting a terrific headache, and she just couldn’t take the noise anymore. Being the only woman in a room full of men was bad enough, but being the only woman in a room full of screaming drunk men was too much.

“Father, I’m not feeling well, I think I might retreat to the library for a while.” She tried to tell him, but the king was too drunk to process what she’d just said.

Luckily, Doc heard her and granted her permission to go. “We’ll see you at four. Have some rest, princess.”

She smiled gratefully at him, and then she turned towards the guests excusing herself. Once she was out, she ran down the hallway and out into the garden. As the fresh air filled her lungs, she felt her head beginning to pound less and less. She was free, at least for an hour or so. After a moment of reflection, she decided that going for a walk in the garden would be much better than closing herself in the library. The cool breeze would surely make her headache to go away. She just hoped no one went looking for her inside, or she would be in great trouble.

She’d been walking for forty minutes when she found herself in front of the stables. It had been a while since the last time she went in. In the past year the king had barely ever left the castle to go haunting with his lords. Taking a look around to make sure nobody could see her, she decided to go in. She was immediately greeted by lady Jane who came running towards her.

“Hey, little one. Did you miss me? Yeah?” She said as she leaned down to pet her, and the cat happily purred in response.

She stayed like that for a while, but suddenly the cat took off looking for a place to hide.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” Waverly asked as she got up to see where she had gone.

“I didn’t know princesses were allowed in the stables.” A voice said from behind, startling her.

“God!” Waverly exclaimed with a little jump. “You scared me...” She said turning around to face the other person.

In front of her was a beautiful tall young woman with long red hair and big brown eyes, which seemed like they could stare right into her soul. She was wearing a pair of khakis and a sleeveless brown leather jacket over a creme shirt. She must have been a new servant or something, because Waverly couldn’t recall having seen her before. And it’s not like there were many ginger heads around there.

“Are you okay?” The redhead asked with a chuckle.

Waverly couldn’t help but stare at her. The woman was giving her the most beautiful smile Waverly had ever seen. And the dimples on the side of her mouth made her look even cuter.

“Yeah, I’m… I just had a crazy morning.” She managed to answer after a moment.

“Sorry I wasn’t there to see it.” The woman said with a smirk.

Was she… was this woman flirting with her? Waverly couldn’t help but blush a little at her cheeky behavior.

“I’ve been… I’ve been meaning to introduce myself. I’m Nicole. Nicole Haught. The new stable girl.” The redhead said trying to break the awkward silence. Offering her hand for the princess to take, she continued. “And you are… Waverly Earp. Quite a popular girl around here.” She smiled before kissing the back of Waverly’s hand, making the princess blush in the process.

In her life, she had been greeted like that from gentlemen a thousand times, but no one had ever made her feel butterflies in her stomach. Waverly felt so shy and small as Nicole’s soft lips grazed her skin.

“So… why is a princess like you hiding from her perfect life?” Nicole asked letting go of Waverly’s hand.  

“I’m not hiding!” Waverly answered harshly, catching Nicole off guard. “I’m sorry… I’m not usually like this.” She apologized when she noticed the shocked look on the redhead’s face.

“Hey… I get it. No one’s life is perfect.” She reassured her with a shrug.

“Yeah, well, mine’s feeling more like hell than a perfect life lately…” Waverly said more to herself than to Nicole, but the stable girl still heard her loud and clear and gave her a questioning look.

“I’ve spent the past couple of days smiling and waving at lords and princes who came here for the tournament. My father wants me to marry the champion.” She explained with a sigh.

“Well, if it makes you feel any better, I’ve spent all morning cleaning your stables. Looks like my morning was shittier than yours. Both literally and figuratively.” Nicole joked hoping to lighten Waverly’s mood.  

“Might be hard to believe, but… I kinda envy you.”

“Oh, c’mon, how bad can it be? You get to marry a rich prince, or some brave knight…”

“Most of the men I’ve greeted are like forty years old! And what if I just don’t wanna get married?!” Waverly exclaimed in an exasperated tone.

Couldn’t everyone just leave her be for one freaking minute, and let her choose whether she wanted to get married or not?! All her life, she’d had to be what others expected her to be, but no one ever bothered asking what it was that she really wanted. Willa got to marry a rich prince, yeah, but he was also the man she’d been in love with ever since they were kids. And even Wynonna was given a choice. Okay, it was more of an ultimatum, but still… she wasn’t forced to marry a man twice her age. But what about her? Her father had never given her a chance to find her place in this world. All these years spent trying to be the perfect little girl her family wanted her to be, hoping to enter her father’s graces, and nothing had changed.

“What do you want?” Waverly was taken aback by that question. Nicole was the first person who’d ever asked her that.

“I… I don’t know.” She realized in that moment that she’d never really thought about that question, so used to tailor herself to the people she was with.

“Well, what do you like? There’s gotta be something that’s just… yours. A dream, a wish, a passion…”

“I… I’ve always wanted to see the world, and visit the places I’ve read about in my books. And… and I wanna drink beer at the tavern with my friends, or… hold a sword, a real sword. I wanna travel around with the king’s guard and fight in battles like my sister does. Why does she get to be a hero, while I get to be just…” She trailed off.

“Just what?”

“Me.” Waverly concluded in a sad tone.

“Hey… look, you as you are, are okay. You don’t have to be a hero to be special.” Nicole tried to comfort her by grabbing her hand and giving it a light squeeze.

Waverly looked down at their joined hands for a moment, and then she looked up only to be met by the brightest and warmest smile ever. Nicole was looking at her with so much love and compassion that she felt like she could get lost in those big brown eyes of hers.

“You’re special, baby girl. Don’t ever forget that.”

So far, mama had been the only one to ever call her that.

They stared into each other’s eyes for a moment, until it became too much. Retracting her hand from Nicole’s, Waverly tried to break the awkward silence. “So, hum… what about you? What do you want?” Waverly asked while sitting down on a trunk nearby.

“Me? I’m just a stable girl…”

“And don’t stable girls have dreams too?”

“I should probably get back to work now. Those horses won’t brush themselves.” Nicole said, clearly avoiding the question.

“You know, when I was a little kid I used to come here every day and would spend hours with my horse. But when I turned 14, my father forbade me to come to come to stables. I could still ride my horse if I we had to go somewhere, but he said I wasn’t a kid anymore, and ladies can’t get covered in mud and dust. The only times I can come to the stables are when he’s not at home.”

“So why are you here?”

“I needed a break. And he thinks I’m in the library.”

“I see…” Nicole said, then she got an idea. “Hey, do you wanna help out?”

“Oh, I’d love to! Like… like to. But I can’t.” She tried to correct herself.

What the hell, girl? Get your shit together! She mentally scolded herself. You see one hot girl, and suddenly your brain can’t work anymore? OMG, did she just think Nicole was hot?

She took a deep breath in order to gain some control again, and then she continued explaining. “If I get dirt on my gown, my father’s gonna kill me.”

“I got some spare clothes if you want… you could just get changed.” Nicole offered with a smile. Or was it a smirk?

“It’s not that simple, it took me like 40 minutes to get into this gown.”

“40 minutes, huh? I bet I could get you out of it faster…” Nicole said to herself, but it was still loud enough for Waverly to hear it.

“What?”

“Help. I bet I could help you out of it faster. If… if you wanted to get changed.” She tried to correct herself.

Damn it, Haught! Couldn’t you keep the comment to yourself? This time it was Nicole’s turn to mentally scold herself.

“Right. Hum…” Waverly didn’t really know where to go from there. She had never actually flirted with someone before. Let alone with a woman. She needed an excuse to leave, fast. She couldn’t do this right now. “I… I’d better go back now. Before my father finds out I’m not actually in the library.”

“Sure, yeah. Then maybe some other time.” Nicole smiled at her. “I mean it.” She added with a hint of a smirk.

Waverly smiled briefly at her, and then she turned to leave before the other woman could notice just how bad she was blushing.

------------------------------------------------

Chapter 2 - The night shift

[honey-andtea1889]

Battered and Bruised

AN: Hello! This is my very first Spencer Reid blurb! I’m super excited to write this and I seriously hope you all enjoy it! My requests are open and ready for business, please don’t be afraid to ask! Xx

Summary: The BAU team gets called on a case in Omaha, Nebraska for kidnaps and murders of women around the city. When Y/N get taken, Spencer goes to the ends of his being to find her. 

Warnings: Violence, swearing, death, mention of rape, shit ton of fluff

Song: Battered and Bruised by Circa Waves 

---------------------------------------------

Mornings weren’t Y/N’s strong suit. Especially when it included waking up at 5:30 am because your boss calls you in on a case. She knew it was a serious case just because of the time and after the last case the team had finished, she knew she couldn’t be too upset. 

Y/N loved her job at the BAU. It was pretty much her who reason for living. She absolutely loved helping people and putting away criminals that don’t deserve any more than a kick of dust. Just the feeling of saving someone’s life made the job worth it. She always put her heart fully into every case that came up, making sure that every person that was found was safe and every bastard that would cause the victims pain would get every ounce of punishment they had coming to them. Y/N couldn’t think of doing anything else.

Her team made it even better. She got along with everyone. They were all so welcoming when she first joined the FBI, Y/N felt that these people, this wonderful team, was her family. 

Y/N soon made it to the BAU and went straight into the break room for some coffee. She ran into a very groggy, barely woken Derek Morgan. He smiled at her, sipping his morning brew. 

“Good Morning, Princess. How was your nap?” Derek asked as he chuckled. 

“About as good as it can get. Can’t believe we got called back in so quickly. Did Hotch tell you anything about today’s case?” Y/N asked. 

Derek shook his head. As far as they knew, no one was told about the case. Hotch had just called everyone in saying that it was an emergency. The two were soon joined by none other than David Rossi. He smiled as he made himself a cup of coffee, sighing at the time. 

“One of these days, I’m just not going to answer my phone.” Rossi grumbled. 

The three of them laughed. Derek and Rossi made their way to the briefing room while Y/N fixed herself another cup of coffee. A loud groan echoed through the hall, and you knew who that belonged to. Dr. Spencer Reid came into sight as he trudged over to the coffee machine, smiling a tired smile at Y/N. 

Spencer and Y/N had a weird relationship. It was evident that the two of them had feelings for one another, but neither of them acknowledged them. There were times where Y/N wished she had the courage to just walk up to Spencer and ask him out, but she could never convince herself to do it. Spencer was the same way. He thought she was so beautiful and smart. He felt so comfortable around her and just being in the same room as her was a gift in itself, he just didn't know how to ask without making a fool of himself. Everyone on the team could feel the romantic tension between the pair and it killed them. Spencer couldn’t could how many times Derek had mentioned it to him that he should ‘make a move before someone else does.’ 

“Whoever allowed anything to be done before 11:30 in the morning is psychotic.” Spencer grumbled, pouring coffee into a mug. 

“I hear ya, but Hotch sounded pretty serious on the phone. We should probably get up there.” Y/N sighed. 

The two made it into the briefing room, Penelope setting everything up for the team. Spencer took a seat next to Y/N, smiling at her as he took his first coffee sip of the day. Prentiss, JJ, and Hotch soon flew into the room as Penelope began explaining the case. 

“Three women were found dead in ditches all around Omaha, Nebraska. Jenna Lender, 25, was our latest victim. She was last seen yesterday morning, getting coffee for her boss. Jenna’s boss tried calling her after noticing she was gone longer than she needed to be but got nothing.” Penelope said as she clicked through the presentation. 

“How long did the unsub keep the other victims alive?” Emily asked. 

“That’s the thing, all of the girls were only alive for a day. once he was finished with one, the unsub would spend a week hunting for a new woman.” Hotch says. 

“He stays in the same area, he’s got a comfort zone.” Spencer said, eyeing the file in front of him. 

“He obviously doesn’t have a type, the women are all different. The only thing that is connecting them is their age.” Y/N said. 

“And their jobs. All of the girls worked at the same company just different departments. It looks like the building is downtown, did they know each other?” JJ asked.

“No, its a huge company. Jenna worked on the 23rd floor in Accounting, Sierra on the 12th floor in Marketing, and Marie on the 33rd as an assistant to the CEO.” Penelope said as she clicked on her tablet. 

“Are we looking at the CEO of this company? Maybe he’s got something to do with it?” Derek questioned. 

“No, he’s got a trustful alibi.” 

“Whoever it is, we need to find him before he kills again. Wheels up in 30.” Hotch said, gathering the files to head out to the jet. 

The team gathered their things and boarded the plane. Everyone was slowly dozing off in their seats while Y/N and Spencer stayed up and talked about the little things. They did this every so often. Whenever they had a long trip, the pair would sit closer to the back and just talk. They never had a set conversation, the topic was always changing. Y/N loved that. 

“No way, you can’t possibly think that Stephan King outranks Edgar Allan Poe.” Spencer laughed. 

Y/N shrugged and smiled at the genius to her right. 

“Don’t get me wrong, I love Edgar, but something about King’s writing just hits a little on the different side.” She said as she sipped on her coffee. 

Spencer studied Y/N. He took in her features, her beautiful Y/E/C eyes, her gorgeous smile, intoxicating laugh. He became so enthralled by her beauty, he didn’t realize that the plane had landed and the team were departing the aircraft. Y/N noticed his staring and blushed. Now wasn't the time to flirt though. They had a job to do. 

“Alright, Prentiss and Morgan, I want you two at the first crime scene. Look for any details that were missed. Rossi, you and I will go to the second crime scene. JJ, talk to the families of the girls. We need to know if there was anything linking them. Reid and Y/N, go to the latest crime scene and gather as much evidence as possible. You both are then to go to the police station and set up. We’ll meet there in about two hours.” Hotch explained.

Everyone broke off into their respected groups. Y/N and Spencer quickly arrived to the recent crime scene, the body still laying in the position it was found.

“FBI?” A detective asked.

“Yeah, this is SSA Y/L/N and I’m Dr. Reid. Is this how the body was found?” Spencer quizzed at the detective.

The man nodded and led the two over to the body on the ground. Y/N looked at the woman to see if there was any form of self defense wounds on her. Spencer was taking note of the area in which the body was found. It was just outside of town, the woods just a few miles away from the dump sight. Spencer was about to look around until Y/N called him over.

“Take a look at this.” She said, moving the arm of the woman.

The two saw marks around her wrists, showing that the woman was tied up when she was captured. As the looked even closer, the agents could see the body had bruises all along her neck, hips, and thighs. 

“This woman was raped, Spence.” Y/N said disappointedly. 

Spencer sighed. This case was not going to be an easy one. The two headed back to the station to set up the search. Spencer could see that Y/N was a bit off since they left the crime scene. Morgan and Prentiss came into the room, they were almost out of breath as the entered. 

“Marie Thomas was raped.” Prentiss explained. 

“So was Jenna.” Y/N stated, pinning up a photo of her lifeless body. 

“So he stalks them for a week, kidnaps them, rapes them, then dumps their dead bodies in ditches.” Derek said as he flopped onto a chair. 

“None of the girls had enemies at work, they all got along with their coworkers and mostly kept to themselves.” JJ said as she walked in. 

“So what sick bastard is taking these women?” Emily questioned. 

Hotch and Rossi soon joined the rest of the team, both looking more on edge than everyone else. 

“Guys? Are you okay?” Y/N asked. 

“Something isn’t sitting right.” Rossi sighed. 

Hotch walked over to the board as Spencer explained how he wanted the people of Omaha to see that he means business. Y/N became uncomfortable with the topic and decided to stand outside to get some fresh air, clearing her mind from all of the horrifying information she had taken in. Derek came to check up on her almost immediately after she left. 

“You okay mamas?” He asked. 

Y/N chuckled at the nickname.

“Honestly? No. These poor women were just living their lives and then this happens to them.” She explains, her heart sinking at the thought. 

“Look, Y/N, I know this is hard, but we have to keep our heads up. We’ll catch this sick son of a bitch, no matter the cost.” He said. 

“Derek, we don't have a lead. We can’t even connect the girls to each other besides the fact that they’re all the same age and work in the same building. To me, it almost seems like a revenge story.” 

Y/N’s head picks up after she said that. What if it was a revenge plot? What if the unsub was hurt by an ex or embarrassed by a coworker of the opposite sex and it just trying to get payback? 

Derek looked at Y/N curiously. She bolted back into the station and ran into the conference room where the rest of the team was. 

“This is a revenge spree.” Y/N said. 

The team looked at each other, confusion taking over the room. Y/N walked over to the board and began explaining her theory. 

“All three women worked at prestigious jobs, all three women were young, they were successful. Maybe this guy was ridiculed by someone like them, a girlfriend, coworker, boss, whatever. He is most likely killing them because he’s intimidated by them.” She said. 

“That explains the connection. But what about the geographical profile? What the significance of the ditches around the city?” Rossi asked. 

“He obviously wants them seen but not immediately. He’s almost trying put on a show for people, saying that he’s superior.” Spencer adds, looking over the photos. 

“It adds up but what about the rapes? He just does it because he can?” JJ asks. 

“No, he’s asserting dominance to these women. Showing them that he’s in charge.” Hotch said. 

“Gather all your officers up Detective. We have a profile.” 

About 15 minutes later, Omaha Police Officers and Detectives were surrounding the FBI agents as they gave the profile. 

“The man we’re looking for is in his late 20′s-early 30′s. He socially awkward and intimidated by women of higher class.” Hotch starts. 

“He won’t approach anyone first. He would be someone that keeps to himself at work unless his boss came up to him.” Emily said as she looks around the room. 

“Over the years he’s been humiliated by women of authority, this could be a boss, higher up coworker, a girlfriend even. He has been taking this for years and has had enough.” Y/N said. 

“He’s definitely the odd one out, he doesn’t look like he could do something as gruesome as this. Think of like a nerdy kid in high school.” Rossi explained.

“He’s trying to assert his dominance. He’s been submissive almost his whole life, he’s trying to show that he’s the one whose in charge by not only kidnapping, but raping the victims before he kills them.” Derek said as he sat in front of the group. 

“He’s on the hunt right now. He could be anywhere around the city so be on the look out.” Spencer said. 

“We’ve already made sure that everyone never leaves a location alone and that a city wide curfew has been set.” JJ says, crossing her arms. 

“This man is very dangerous, stay alert and stay safe.” Hotch said, ending the briefing. 

Y/N exhaled and decided to take a breather. She walked outside and took a deep breath. The case was starting to get to her. It could also be the lack of sleep she had. 

Y/N turned to go back inside, until she felt a sharp pain coursing on her head and the world went black. 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

After a few hours, Spencer had noticed Y/N missing and started looking for her. He looked around the station and even went downtown to see if she was at some coffee shop. He called her phone, only to be answered by her voicemail. Somethings wrong Spencer thought. He quickly went back to the station, panic taking over his mind. 

“Hey, Y/N isn't answer her phone and I can’t find her anywhere.” Spencer said frantically as he entered into the conference room.

The team looked around at each other, trying to figure out where she could’ve gone. It was normal for Y/N to wonder off during a case but not for longer than a half hour. The team knew that sometimes, some cases can be a little much for her so she steps away to take a minute to gather herself. Spencer would always go to make sure that she was okay, comforting her whenever she became overwhelmed with any case they were working on.

“Oh god..what if..” Emily started. 

“Our unsub has her.” Hotch said grabbing her phone and dialing Penelope’s phone number. 

“Hello my sweet, beautiful, darlings. How might I be of assistance.” Penelope sang through the small phone. 

“Garcia, Y/N has been taken. We need you to run a search on her phone to see where she could possibly be.” Rossi said. 

“Oh my god, no.” She said, sadness and worry taking over her demeanor. 

“It’s gonna be okay baby girl. We’re gonna find her, right now we need you to get that search started.” Derek cooed. 

Spencer was standing in the back, watching everything unfold. 

How could he let this happen? Usually he would check up on her but today, he was so wrapped up in the case that he didn’t even bother to make sure she was okay. He wanted to make sure that you weren’t over stressed, especially with cases like this one. This was all his fault. He should’ve gone with her. His guilt began to eat at him, anxiety gnawing at him like a dog on a bone.

“Spence? You okay?” Emily asked. 

“This is all my fault..” He whispered. 

“Spencer, you couldn’t have done anything to stop this. We’re dealing with a violently aggressive man-” 

“I check on her when cases become too much. I make sure that she’s okay. I’m always there for her and this time, I wasn’t. I wasn’t able to protect her from this maniac out there. And because of that, I’m losing the love of my life...again.” Spencer snaps. 

Emily looks at the sad Doctor with empathy. She rubs his back for just a moment and returns to the rest of the team, leaving Spencer on his own. 

---------------------------------------------------------

Y/N groaned as she picked her head up, the weight being ridiculously heavy. She took in her surroundings, seeing only a dark room with a single light bulb above her. She tried to move but her hands and feet were tied together on a chair. Well this wasn’t how I wanted to spend my day, she thought. Y/N soon heard a loud slam come from down the hall. Footsteps were soon followed, dragging along the concrete floor. 

“Well. Aren’t you a pretty one.” A man with a deep voice seethed, slowly making his way over to the light. 

Y/N could feel her heart beating rapidly in her chest. To say she was terrified was a huge understatement. 

“What do you want from me? I wasn’t the one who hurt you.” Y/N said, trying to sound as brave as she could. 

“No, but you’re like her.” The man yelled as he slapped her cheek. 

“What do you gain from this? Huh? Some sick form of pleasure?” Y/N screamed as tears threatened to spill from her eyes. 

The unsub punched her in her face. Y/N could feel a bruise forming under her eye as she panted. Y/N was a strong girl, and she wasn’t going to give up that easily but she definitely couldn’t hold on forever. 

She hoped the team would save her soon. 

----------------------------------------------------------

“Okay so by the looks of it, her phone was up and active until she got closer to the forest. That’s where the trail runs cold.” Garcia says, clicking away on her many computers. 

“Detective, is there any abandoned houses or barns out that way?” Hotch asked. 

“There’s actually an old barn just passed town. It’s deep in the woods though. Kinda hard to see at night.” The Detective said. 

“Well we can’t wait until morning, she’ll be dead by then, so if you could tell us what the coordinates are, that’ d be great.” Spencer hissed. 

“Reid.” Hotch said sternly. 

“No Hotch, if we wait any longer Y/N will be dead. She’s part of the time and a huge part of my life. I can’t just wait around until it’s convenient for everyone!” Spencer yelled.

The team looked at Spencer in surprise. Hotch signaling to Derek to get Spencer to calm down before he’s removed from the case. 

“Kid, I know you care about this girl, but you need to keep your cool.” Derek said, pulling Spencer to the other side of the room. 

“I’m sorry, Morgan. I just want her to be alive.” Spencer said, his voice wavering. 

“I know. We’ll get your girl back.” Derek promised. 

Spencer nodded and hugged his friend. 

---------------------------------------------------------------

“Only a few hours left gorgeous, better get some rest before I destroy you.” The man said. 

Y/N was beaten beyond belief. She felt as though she’d been to hell and couldn’t recover. Her vision was hazy, she could tell she had a huge concussion. Her lip was bleeding and by the throbbing of her eye, she knew there was going to be some bruising. Her body ached from being beaten in a chair. She could barely keep her eyes open. 

Her thoughts went to Spencer. She thought about ever seeing him again, about ever being able to tell him that she loved him. She wanted to finally express her feelings to him, but probably won’t ever get the chance now. Her swollen eyes began to fill with tears as her heart breaks. 

It’s not long until the man come back and beats her again. Constantly throwing fists at her face. 

“How does it feel to be less than nothing, you bitch.” He whispered.

“Go to hell.” Y/N seethed.

With that, Y/N spit some of the blood from her lip at the unsub. He yelled and slapped her across the face. As he was going in for a punch, Y/N hear footsteps outside, Her heart beat picked up, knowing her team finally came to her rescue. 

“You think you’re all big and bad because you kill and rape women? hah, I’ve seen bugs better than you.” Y/N spat. 

It was that moment where a click of a gun rang throughout the barn and Hotch’s voice rang through Y/N’s ears. 

“Put your hands where I can see them.” He said sternly. 

The unsub grabbed a knife and pulled it to Y/N’s throat.

“If I die, she dies with me.” He said. 

Spencer locked his gun and pointed to the unsub. He could see the terror and shame in Y/N’s eyes as his fingers landed on the trigger. He wanted to protect her. He wanted to keep her safe, and after this, he was going to make sure you weren’t in harms way. 

“Sir, just let the girl go.” Hotch tried reasoning. 

“Why? So she could go tell scrawny over there to work harder? So she could torment him just like I was?” 

The unsub looked over to Spencer. 

“You know she screams your name, right?” he said. 

“She screamed it while I was beating her to a pulp. Guess you could say she-” 

A gunshot was fired. The man’s body flopped to the floor as Y/N hyperventilated. Spencer ran over to her, untying ever blasted knot that was harming her precious skin. Once she was released, Y/N flopped down on top of Spencer, holding him as tightly as she could. 

“I thought I was never going to see you again.” he whispered. 

“I was so scared Spence. I thought he was going to-” 

Spencer cut Y/N off. 

“I wouldn’t let anything like that happen to you, Y/N. I care about you way too much to let someone manhandle you like that.” Spencer said lovingly. 

Y/N pulled away from him and crashed her lips onto his. 

The kiss was delicate, yet full of passion. The pair kissed for just a few moments before they pulled away. 

“I’ve wanted to do that for a while, just couldn’t find the right time.” Y/N said, softly smiling at the cheesing Doctor. 

“Well I’m glad you finally did. Come on, let’s get you home.” Spencer smiled. 

Both agents stood up from the ground and made their way outside of the barn. Y/N was looked at for her injuries and soon after, the team made their way back home. 

---------------------------------------------------------

“Don’t worry about the reports just yet, guys. Go home and get some rest.” Hotch said as they entered the BAU. Everyone cheered as they all made their ways to their designated cars. 

“Hey, Spence?” Y/N asked. 

“Yeah?”  

“Can I please stay with you? I don’t know if I could stay there by myself tonight.” Y/N blushed. 

Spencer smiled and pulled Y/N into his chest. Y/N snuggled in tightly, feeling the warm embrace of the Doctor who saved her.

“Of course you can stay, do you want to run back to your place and get some clothes?” Spencer asked. 

Y/N nodded as they headed to his car. The drive back to Y/N’s apartment was silent, but a comfortable silent. The two held each other’s hand tightly, afraid of letting the other person go. They pulled into the parking lot and made their way upstairs. Y/N unlocked her apartment and quickly slid inside, allowing Spencer access to her home. Y/N quickly ran back to her room, gathering some clothes and her tooth brush so she could stay over at Spencer’s. 

As she exited her room, Spencer was sat on her kitchen counter, looking through a small cookbook her mother had given her. 

“These snickerdoodles sound really good, do you mind if we bring this and make cookies tomorrow?” Spencer asked. 

“Sure.” 

Spencer smiled and took Y/N’s hand, leading her back to the car. The drive to Spencer’s apartment wasn't too far from hers. The two quickly made it up the stairs and into the apartment. 

Spencer’s place was cozy. With the many books on the book shelf, it made Y/N’s heart fill with joy. A yawn passed Y/N’s lips. 

“You wanna go to sleep, darling?” Spencer asked, placing a hand on her back. 

Y/N nodded. Spencer lead her to his room. They both began to get ready for bed when Y/N spoke up. 

“Can I wear one of your shirts to sleep?” 

“Of course, here.” Spencer said, handing Y/N a black crewneck sweater. 

Y/N threw it on and climbed into bed. Spencer follow shortly after, snuggling close to Y/N as possible. She rested her head on his chest and sighed. Spencer kissed her head sweetly whispering: 

“I love you.” 

[futurewriter2000]

Sweater

A/N: I actualy enjoyed reading this one but I never wanted to read it through because I’m really lazy. I know there are sentances and words I don’t like but idc. Hope you guys like it and all the love <3 (ALSO YOUNG JENSEN ACKLES AS REMUS?????? COME ON???? (he also hot now)) 

REQUEST: i'd like to request a one shot in which Sirius has a sister in ravenclaw who isn't prejudice like her family but isn't as loud mouthed accepting as her brother & they don't get along but some how she finds herself falling for her idiot brother's friend remus which she's baffled by because how could she like anyone stupid enough to tolerate her drama queen of a brother voluntarily 24/7 even if he's as smart & dreamy as remus

XX

It was as if you were strangers. It was as if all three of you were three different poles of the Earth. The youngest, Regulus, was the South pole, the oldest, Sirius, was North pole and you, the middle child, were the equator. The middle. The mediator. You weren’t as South orianted as Regulus was; always obeying, following and being the polished trophy on your parents’ shelf but you also weren’t as North as your brother Sirius- always pushing their buttons, waiting for your mother to explode and then feed on that. 

You obeyed... sometimes.

You rebelled... sometimes. 

You were neutral and sometimes that was a good thing, sometimes that was the loneliest feeling in the world. 

When Sirius was still living with you, there would be moments where your mother and father would praise Regulus and the two of you would just give each other that look- look that just tells everything and later tease little Reggie (as both of you liked to call him). But then again there would be moments where your parents would just scream and talk down on Sirius, leaving you and Regulus in an uncomfortable position. Sirius and Regulus would both be compared but you were just there. Like a void. Nobody paid attention to you, nobody acknowledged your presence. You could have murdered someone and they wouldn’t care in the world. And when Sirius left all of those moments were just giving you a lonely pit in your stomach. 

You were furious at your brother for leaving, crying, just being so aggrevated you wanted to murder him and James Potter but then you accepted it. Your brother wrote you and he kept writing you until you replied- which you eventually did, sending him a Howler. First day of school and he just burst in your comparment being annoying until you talked to him or laughed with him. He just annoyed the anger out of you. It didn’t leave, no, it was still there but it was smaller and you always goaded him with it. 

He hadn’t had much luck with Regulus. Mostly because he was a Slytherin and Sirius just couldn’t, for the love of God, deal with Slytherins, let alone be in their presence. You were a Ravenclaw, meaning you were easier to get to than your younger brother. 

You all still lived pretty divided life. You were close with both them, Sirius somehow more since Regulus despised that you and Sirius were on talking terms and he wasn’t. With months passing, he barely even talked to you. He did but it was so faint that it was worse than not talking. 

But again, you were the equator. The middle. 

“Oh how I love my little Ravenclaw sister, who has done nothing but bring me so much joy and love.” Sirius hugged you from behind, leaning his head on yours. “Beautiful, smart- just a peachy rainbow in the sky.” 

“You must be reading Poe.” you said unfazed, putting a spoonfull of mushroom-cream soup in your mouth. 

“Actually.” he breathed in a sharp breath, sitting beside you and smiling forcefully. “I’m not reading Poe and also not reading my Divination book, which has all the subjects and information for my Why do dreams affect wizards stronger than Muggles essay.” he leaned his head on the side, watching you with pleading eyes. 

“You must be keen on writing it.” you continued to play daft. 

“Funny... um...Well...I...” he tried to form a sentance. “I WAS planning on writing it, you know? For my good well-built brain but- khm.” he cleared his throat, leaning forward and looking at you with his eyes....his red, puffy eyes and you just knew.

“Oh Merlin.” you burried your head in your palms. “Again?” 

“It was one smoke, sissy.” he lied and after seeing your murderous glare, he corrected himself. “Maybe more than one. I stopped counting after one.” 

“You are an utter dumbass.” 

“Point proven on many occasions- so would you do what I ask you of??” his voice continued to get higher with each word, implying into you writing an essay for him, “Pleaseeee.” he whispered, dragging the letter ‘e’ with his breath. 

“Sirius...” you looked at him worriedly. “Why are you doing this?”

“Don’t sissy. Please.” he shook his head. “Later, please.” 

“I’ll murder you later. Why doesn’t one of your friends do it?”

“Who says they didn’t do this with me?” he forced a smile on his face again, acting so innocent but it was as looking mischief in it’s face. 

“I’ll do for you for the last time and in return we will have to talk. No outs, you have to promise me this, Sirius-” he grabbed your head by the sides and pulled it to kiss your forehead, beaming at you.

“I fooking love you, baby sis.” he jumped on his feet and started jumping away. “Love you!” 

You laughed, shaking your head at the idiot. 

“I wish he’d say that to me.” your friend said in front of you, letting you form a grimaced look on your face as she continued to look at him dreamily. “Imagine that bum-”

“oKAY!” you got up and grabbed your sweater. “I just lost my apetite. See you when you wash your brain.” you walked out of the Great Hall, grimacing at your friend back in the Great Hall and sobering up after feeling a cold breeze touching your bare arms and making you put your sweater on. 

But just as you pulled it over your head, you saw broad chest in front of you and before you could stop, it was too late- You were already in someone’s hold. 

“I’m so sorry-” you looked up to see his emerald eyes illuminating the crescent. “Remus.” you smiled and he took a step back, licking his lips and smiling back. 

He was attractive. You can give him that. He was wearing grey sweatpants, which he never wore and a red Gryffindor sweater that hung on his body just perfectly. His hair was for once messy and his eyes were not red as your brother’s but free- Yes, in one word...they were free.

“(y/n).” he said so lazily, rolling it off his tongue after letting it sit there for a taste. 

“You’re high.” you smiled cheekly and crossed your arms over your chest.

“And you’re cute.” he blurted out but continued to smile. Surprised, the smile on your cheeks disappeared and you felt an enormous amount of heat reach your cheeks. He took a step forward, stretching his long arm until his palm was against the wall. Excatly then you realized your back was against the cold white wall. “Really cute.” he continued to speak slowly, careful not to sound tongue-tied. 

“Remus- uhm.” you tried to speak but as soon as you looked up at those eyes, your stomach turned into a knot and your heart jumped to your throat. He was so attractive- his look was provocative, his smirk erroticaly dangerous. 

“Yes?” he tilted his head to the side, pretending to be confused when knowing just how much he flustered you. 

“I- I-” you stuttered as he kept coming close, his elbow resting where his palm did, his nose only a milimeter away, his breathing in sync with yours. His lips were so close to yours and they were pulling you closer- like a magnet you felt the pull on your lips and just before your upped lip could touch his, you heard a clattering sound from afar, sobering you up and making you pull away. “I gotta go.” you said, looking up at his grinning face and  slipping out of his hold. 

Your cheeks were so hot at the moment that the sweater felt like an oven.

“Wait!” you heard him shout, causing you to stop in your tracks and turn around. 

He was shirtliess. 

Why in hell was he shirtless?

“Take it.” he said, offering you his sweater. 

“Remus, I have a sweater.” you said, trying to keep your eyes away from his abs. 

How in hell can a man, who does nothing but seat behind books have such chiseled abs?

“I want you to have my sweater.” he said and at this point you could hear his words tripping over one another. 

“Why?” you asked, smiling at him- a bit confused a bit amused. 

He was close to you again, his chest against yours with only a ball of his sweater between the two of you. 

‘Merlin he smells good.’ - you heard yourself in your own head, taking a deep breath of his scent into your nostrills. 

“Because...” he looked down at his sweater, turning it in his hand. “I want you to look cute in my sweater.” 

“You want me to look cute in your sweater?” you quirked an eyebrow. 

He shook his head, narrowing his eyes and smirking again. “I want to see you in my sweater.” he said firmly and determined. 

“You’re high-” you tried to brush it off but his hand went up to your cheek, brushing away the fallen strand of your braid. You kept looking up at him with wide, innocent eyes and that just caused him to chuckle. 

“I’m high but at least I know what I want.” his voice got deep, husky and seductive. “And I’ve got my eyes on it for quite some time now.” he leaned forward. forcing the sweater in your hands and causing you to grab it with clenched fingers. “I want to see you in my sweater.” he growled, his eyes blazing into yours until he pulled away and started walking to his house, leaving you speechless and out of your mind. 

---

You got to your dorm with his sweater in your hands and mind stuck somewhere between what the fuck just happened and Remus’ abs. 

So many questions filled your head, so many pictures you have never thought until now and you were still like a boiling tomato. You walked to your bed and sat on it. His red Gryffindor sweater was in your lap and your eyes fixated on it. You got up, sat back down, got back up, looked on the sweater, thought of his abs, sat back down and laid on your back. 

“What the fuck?” you mumbled to yourself, smelling his scent come off his sweater. You turned your head to the side and saw it laying there, such an innocent object yet filled with so much... thoughts. 

Of course, you always had liked Remus since he seemed to be the most normal out of all four of them. He dated a girl or two but it never lasted. He used to be lanky boy with tidy hair, always smiling or with his nose buried in a book. He was the responsible one, he was the no trouble one- so who the hell was the person you just bumped into in the corridor because it definetly wasn’t the Remus you knew?

You kept smelling his scent- his wonderful masculine scent and it just drove you insane. You grabbed the sweater and threw it in your warderobe. 

You have to write an essay for your brother. You have to write an essay for his best best best best best friend in the world, your idiotic brother. 

---

You stood at the top of the stairs and just kept watching down. ‘What if Remus is in there? - Why should you care?- You shouldn’t. He probably does not remember. He was high on his ass.’

You took a few steps than stopped. 

‘But doesn’t he wonder why he was shirtless? - He could remember. It’s not like the cannabis plant can take away your memory. Its main psychoactive ingredient, THC, stimulates the part of your brain that responds to pleasure, like food and sex. That unleashes a chemical called dopamine, which gives you a euphoric, relaxed feeling.’ 

‘Yes. He was relaxed. He was chill. He was - fuck, he can remember. ‘

You turned around and went a step down, then stopped again. 

‘You know what? No.’ - you told yourself and turned back around. ‘I’m a chill person. I’m relaxed. I can play just as dirty as he can.’ you then turned back around went up to your dorm, took off your sweater and dragged his from your own warderobe. You put it on, letting his strong scent wash all over you and cause goosebumps to appear on your skin. Warmth washed your body like a hot shower and you felt a smile form on your lips.

Looking at the mirror and seeing your naive smile looking back at you, you sobered your infatuated expression and proudly walked to the Gryffindor tower. Your brother already sent you the password this morning so it was easy getting in. 

You didn’t even try to think, only knocked twice as you always did and barged in. 

All heads popped up and you tried to ignore all three of them, focusing on your brother and making your way towards him. 

A big bright smile appeared on his lips and he jumped off the bed. “Oh Merlin!” He kept jumping on his toes excitedly, taking the papers from your hands. “It looks so beautiful and so pure.” he kept jumping to his desk and put in in a drawer. “You deserve a hug, my dear sister.” 

“Sirius.” you put your hand up as he tried to approach you. “I will kick you if you try.” 

“Ah, come on. Sibling love.” he opened his arms again but you continued to narrow your eyes.

“I will kick you, Sirius Orion Black and you will not be able to get up.” you warned and he laughed. 

He turned to the others and pointed his finger at one of them. “She’s right. That happened already once. “ you followed the direction of his finger and locked your eyes with his emerald ones. 

Sirius voice became part of the background and all you could see was his seductive eyes, watching you with a playful curve on his lips. You crossed your arms over your chest, leaning back and raising an eyebrow, accepting his daring challange. 

He was surprised to say the least. The corner of his mouth draw closer to his cheek and a dimple formed on the side of it. He locked his fingers together and put his hands behind his head with his elbows pointing out. The hem of his shirt exposed his light skin, the biceps tensing and his shirt outlining his chest. 

You lost because you felt your whole body collapse from the sight. It was so innocent but so cruel. 

You turned your head to the side, seeing James saying something and when you unmuted the background you heard him arguing with Sirius. 

“It is unfair.”

“Life is unfair.”

“She’s a Ravenclaw and those spit on a paper and BAM! Essay!”

“She’s a gift.” Sirius turned to you with a prideful look in his eyes, smiling girlishly. 

“And you’re a pain in my arse.” you snarled, letting all four boys laugh. “You owe me, brother. “

“I really do not have talent for school but if you ever need a partner in crime, you can always give me a bell.” he winked, walking towards you and rufflinf your braid. 

“Ger’ off!” you pushed his arm away. “Twat.”

He turned his head to laugh at you but his eyes directed themselves on your sweater. He pointed his finger on it and narrowed his eyes. “That’s not my sweater.” he said seriously. “And it’s not theirs either because I wrote their initials on it with black ink.” 

You looked down on your sweater, innocently as you could.”Hmm...” you wondered. “Don’t know.” you looked up at him, smiling wickedly.

His face got extremely stern, humorless. “It’s a Gryffindor sweater, little sister.” 

“So I’ve noticed.”

“Who is it?” 

“None of your busniess.”

“None-” he scoffed. “NOne oF mY bUsinEsS.” he kept scoffing, shook and looking around. 

Your eyes glanced at Remus and he kept grinning, clearly enjoying the current scene in front of him. He winked at you, you smiled and turned back to Sirius. 

“I don’t go into your crazy business.”

“It’s different. Just tell me who it is. I won’t do-”

“Well, Sirius. You sort of left us so my business is clearly not to be shuffled by your long crooked nose especially when you get to call me only when you need something from me.” you snapped at him, leaving him speechless. “So yeah. It is none of your business.” and with that you left the dorm, feeling a pit eat your stomach. 

‘I should have just told him it was Remus’ . What could he do about it, anyway? Stop being my brother? He stopped being that the moment he decided  to leave and never come back.’

---

You felt the guilt eat you from the inside out. Of course, you and Sirius always poked each other but sometimes when he got under your skin, you spat out all the wrongs he ever done you. 

But it was true. Deep down inside you, you felt abandoned by your older brother, who has always had the need to protect both you and Regulus but he left. He left and that was selfish of him. 

“That was a bit harsh, what you said there.” someone snapped you out of your thoughts and before you could turn around, he was already next to you, smirking. 

You quirked your lip and looked down on your book. “About his long crooked nose? He’s probably looking at the mirror as we speak.” you said and he laughed beside you. 

“You know...” he put his head on his palm and smiled. “He did all morning.” he laughed and you joined him, giggling yourself and closing your book. 

“So what are you doing here?” you asked, placing your hands on the book in front. 

He looked down on them, seeing the sleeves of his sweater cover both of your palms, leaving only fingers curved in. He licked his lips, feeling such satisfaction of you in his oversized hoodie that he completely forgot on your question. 

“You know, if I didn’t clean this Gryffindor sweater, Sirius would flip out on both of us?” he said and you raised an eyebrow, amused by his sudden nervous act. 

“Why would he?” 

“Because you’re his little sister.”

“And you’re his best friend.” you said, crossing your arms and leaning on your chair. “Which I have always wondered how could someone as smart as you be with someone as idiotic as my brother?”

He mirrored your position and chuckled. “I’ve been wondering that same thing for all seven years but then again, when I look at your brother, I know that I can trust him.” he put his arms on his knees, crossing them and leaning forward to you. 

You tilted your head to the side and uncrossed your arms. “As if you have something to hide...” you narrowed your eyes, mirroring his position. “Do you, Remus John Lupin?” 

“Well, if you must know I’m a werewolf and we all go running through the woods on a full moon.” he said jokingly and you laughed. 

“Yeah right.” you leaned back. 

“It’s true. James is a stag, Peter is a mouse and Sirius is-”

“An ass.” 

“Unfortunately a dog.”

“Well, we all can’t get everything, can we?” 

“No.” he laughed, draping one hand over the chair and leaning on the side. His eyes locked on yours, digging deep inside with his green diamonds... smiling stealthily. “No, we can’t.” 

You felt bubbling in your stomach, your cheeks getting red due to his blazing gaze and your whole throat go sore. “Uhm-” you cleared your throat, looking away shly then locking back your eyes with his, this time bravely. “You still didn’t answer my question.”

“Which one?”

“What are you doing here?” 

“Oh.” he chuckled, leaning forward again so his eyes could dig into yours and his hands took a hold of your own. His fingers slid under the sleeves and his thumbs carrased the back of your hands.

You felt your fingers tangle with his long ones and the heat on your cheeks rise as he pulled you close. “So?” 

“Isn’t it obvious?” he answered, getting closer until his nose brushed against yours. 

It was.

“No.” you smirked and he raised an eyebrow. “I think I’ll need more clues.” your fingers untangled from his and your arms slid up his thighs, triggering him to crash his lips into yours and pull you into his lap. His hands went to your hips as yours went up to his hair, deepening the kiss and feeling him smile. 

You pulled away, looking at his hungry eyes. “What?”

“That a good clue for you?” he stretched a grin on his face and you rolled your eyes, unable to stop smiling. 

“That was a clue?” you teased and he chuckled.

“Not good enough?” he started to kiss your neck and you felt your head fall back. You felt your fingers cramp from tugging his shirt so strongly, barely breathing but it wasn’t until you heard something fall among the shelves that caught both of your attention. 

Both of you turned your head to the source, both dazed and confused. 

“James?” you heard Remus in front of you. 

“Moony- what the fuck?” 

“Umm...” you heard Remus humm and looking up at you.

“Don’t look at me.” you laughed and his eyes narrowed.

“Pads’ sister? Really? From all the girls, you had to chose your best friend’s sister?” James started to scold him, leaving you to hold your laugh.

“Not my fault I am irresistable.” you got up from his lap and started grabbing your books. 

“I’m telling Padfoot.” said James, making Remus stand up and point his finger at James.

“You try that and I’ll kill you.” 

“Not if Pads kills your first.” James grinned, backing away and running out of the library. 

Remus tried to go after him but you took him by the arm and pulled him back. He turned to you as if ‘what the hell are you doing?’ but honestly, you didn’t care. “Let him go.”

“I’ll be dead.” 

“James won’t say a thing.”

“You clearly don’t know James.” 

“Probably but it’s not like this should be a secret- should it be?” you asked and he smiled, wrapping his arms around you. 

“I don’t know. I kind of like this.” he said, making you relax at the sound of his sincere voice. 

“You do?” you asked, clearly doubting his words, no matter how sincere they sounded. 

“Don’t you?”

“You keep answering my questions with questions.” you stated and he laughed. 

“Well, don’t you?” 

“I do.”

“Well, then so do I.” 

“And Sirius?” 

“I think Sirius would-”

“IT WAS YOUR SWEATER!” you heard a shout from the shelves and both of your turned to see Sirius standing there with wide, shocked eyes. 

“Speaking of the Devil.” you rolled your eyes. “Guess, I really was wrong about James.”

“And I was right... clearly.”

“YOU CLEANED THE INK?!” he continued to shout, pointing his finger at Remus. “IT WAS SUPPOSED TO MAKE US MATCH!!”

“And here you were worried about him being mad about you and me snogging in the library.” you smiled, leaving Remus chuckling. 

“Wait for it.”

“AND FROM ALL THE BOYS YOU DECIDED TO TAKE MY BOY?” 

“You’re mad at me?!” you perplexed, looking at your brother with wide eyes and hearing Remus laugh beside you. 

“BLOODY HELL I AM!” he started pointing his finger at you. “And my nose is not CROOKED!” 

“I think it’s a little crooked.” you started to tease.

“If I look closely, you might be right.” Remus joined you. 

Sirius gasped and took a hold of his nose. “You both deserve each other.” he stormed out of the room, leaving both of you laughing a few moments before returning back and taking a look at the two of you, smiling kindly. “I’m happy for both of you, just so you know.” 

You smiled at your brother, feeling Remus’ hand on your back as he pulled you close and look down on you. “ I’m happy too.” 

[rpmemes-galore]

How to write a character with PTSD / C-PTSD:

*disclaimer:  this is entirely based on my own, personal experiences with PTSD. it’s to serve as a basis and guide, but not a firm rulebook for writing it. different people can have different symptoms, at varying levels of severity. PTSD is also often tied with depression and / or other generalized anxiety disorders.This will be extremely personal, and has the potential to be triggering to anyone who has suffered abuse / noncon, or has ptsd / c-ptsd.

WHAT IS C-PTSD? 

Complex post-traumatic stress disorder (C-PTSD; also known as complex trauma disorder) is a psychological disorder that can develop in response to prolonged, repeated experience of interpersonal trauma in a context in which the individual has little or no chance of escape. --- wikipedia

C-PTSD is a subset of PTSD. Whereas PTSD is mostly associated with a traumatic event that only lasted for a short amount of time, or only once  ( eg. car accident, sudden loss of a loved one, ect. ) , C-PTSD has to do with prolonged traumatic events  ( eg. ongoing abuse, imprisonment ).   And depending on the severity and conditions of the prolonged event, those suffering with it can have varying symptoms and levels of symptoms. For this guide, I’m going to be focusing on the PTSD / C-PTSD that I, personally, struggle with: severe, caused by abuse and noncon. References from MAYO CLINIC

INTRUSIVE MEMORIES:

Recurrent, unwanted distressing memories of the traumatic event: Unlike in Hollywood, flashbacks do not have to be full-blown reliving of the event  ( though, it can be ), but rather small, often disconnected glimpses of memories that strike while going about your daily life. Things that can trigger it are smells, sounds, or the sight of something connected to the traumatic event. It can be benign as the sound of someone walking toward you, or bad as someone getting in your face and shouting at you. And what triggers you one day may not trigger you the next.

Reliving the traumatic event as if it were happening again (flashbacks): In my personal experience, this is much harder to come back from than the smaller glimpses mentioned above. This is a full reliving. As far as you’re concerned, you ARE back in the trauma. You ARE back in that house, in that room, with that person... you see them, hear them, they’re in front of you, and you’re that defenseless child, again. This often leads to a panic attack, even after you’ve returned to reality.

Upsetting dreams or nightmares about the traumatic event: Can’t talk about this one much, because I specifically taught myself to lucid dream due to nightmares I used to have... but, that was a long time ago. I do remember they would not be perfect recreations of the event. They’d be disjointed. Often would involve people who hadn’t been there at the time, or random details would be mixed up or completely wrong  ( for instance, instead of standing in the kitchen, you might be out in a field. Multiple events could be happening at once, with no coherency. )  And I do remember waking up suddenly, in a sweat... and sometimes avoiding sleeping for DAYS just to avoid having those nightmares.

Severe emotional distress or physical reactions to something that reminds you of the traumatic event: Similar to the first point, this can also be caused by sights, sounds, smells that you recall from your traumatic moments, or, sometimes, even just from the place where your trauma happened. Unlike the glimpses of memories or full flashbacks, these are disconnected feelings, usually fear, anger, betrayal... and in response to something that might seem silly to someone else. For instance, for me, I have a severe reaction to flyswatters. What is a simple tool to someone else, that they have no issue touching, I can’t even go near. Hands start shaking, I can’t breathe, I tense up like I’m going to be hit.  And similar to that, the sound of someone raising their voice, even happily or not toward me, fills me with immediate dread.      note: this can lead to being a pleaser. desperately trying to avoid upsetting anyone because you’re terrified of people who are upset, whether it’s your fault or not. 

AVOIDANCE 

Trying to avoid thinking or talking about the traumatic event: Self-explanatory on the not wanting to think about it.No one likes to think about things that upset them. As far as the not talking about it goes, it can have a lot to do with shame. You’ve been trained to think it was your fault you were treated so badly, and telling anyone else, means you’re admitting that you were bad and deserved it. And you’re afraid they’re going to agree with your abuser. Or they’re going to gain up on you with your abuser... even if there’s no rational reason to believe these things, the thoughts are still there. 

Avoiding places, activities or people that remind you of the traumatic event:  This can lean toward the extreme... specifically going out of your way to avoid things. Cancelling plans if it might be even slightly related to your trauma, such as a person from that time being there, being in a place --- or sometimes even being near a place --- that reminds you of your trauma  ( like a store you went with your abuser ) , or refusing to take part in something that you and your abuser did together. This can even extend to tasks around the house. For instance, if housework was something tied to your abuse, even marginally, you might avoid doing dishes, or washing the floor.  

NEGATIVE CHANGES IN THINKING AND MOOD 

Negative thoughts about yourself, other people or the world / Difficulty maintaining close relationships / Feeling detached from family and friends: Self-esteem plummets. You have a lot of trouble trusting others, or believing that they truly want the best for you. You have trouble believing that you have any potential, or that you’re capable of doing anything... lose trust in your own judgement and second guess everything you do. You ignore red flags. You constantly need validation in your choices. You feel like someone else needs to second any decision you make. Nowhere feels safe. Even going out of the house is a struggle, and you’re scared and uncomfortable they entire time, like you’re waiting for something bad to happen. 

Memory problems, including not remembering important aspects of the traumatic event:  Feeling like there’s a grey area or the memory being fuzzy, even when you specifically try to recall certain moments. This can lead to doubt, and wondering if you even have trauma.  ---- And not only that, but if your abuse involved gaslighting, you lose faith in your memory of the event. You start overthinking. You doubt whether or not you were even abused. You think you might be remembering things wrong, misconstruing things, being unfair to your abuser. 

Lack of interest in activities you once enjoyed: As PTSD often goes hand-in-hand with depression, you can experience the same symptoms, including lack of motivation or interest, even in things you genuinely enjoy. For me, I LOVE writing. But, actually finding the motivation / energy / confidence to do it is hard... even on good days, it’s a fight to get myself to sit down and accomplish anything. 

Difficulty experiencing positive emotions / Feeling emotionally numb:  Good feelings feel bad. That’s the only way I can describe it. Things like happiness or satisfaction feel... wrong. Like, you’re not supposed to be feeling them. The way I’ve had this explained me to me is: your brain is so used to feeling bad emotions that feeling anything positive is foreign. it’s easier to stick with what you know, no matter how hard it is.  ----- You can have moments of complete emotional nothingness. You disconnect from your feelings completely. The world around you doesn’t feel real. The people around you don’t feel real. It’s like being in really terrible VR. 

CHANGES IN PHYSICAL AND EMOTIONAL REACTIONS:

Being easily startled or frightened / Always being on guard for danger:  You’re always jumpy. It’s like you’re always waiting for the other shoe to drop, or waiting to be hurt or yelled at. 

Self-destructive behavior, such as drinking too much or driving too fast:  This can also extend to self-harm in many forms ranging from cutting, to holding hot objects... ( the most difficult part is when you feel dirty inside and feel like you need to cut or burn it out. It’s an overwhelming feeling that’s very hard to beat or calm yourself down from. )  or just neglecting yourself, like not tending to cuts or scrapes. And you feel like you deserve them. You tell people not to worry when you get hurt because you’re used to it... and, because it’s you that it’s happening to, it’s okay.   Other forms can include substance abuse, alcohol abuse, or even --- consciously or unconsciously --- seeking out abusive relationships just for a sense of normalcy. 

I hope that this guide helps you. And if you are struggling with PTSD, yourself, please don’t be afraid to reach out and find help. You are loved. And your worth is NOT determined by what other people have done to you. 

[hedwigstalons]

SpaceBear - bit 4 (end)

So this has finally reached the end (for now).  I will probably return to these precious babies at some point because the SpaceBear ship is just glorious.

Huge thanks to @willow-salix for naming this ship and for massive amounts of help in pulling this to some sort of conclusion.  

Bit 1 is here, Bit 2 , Bit 3

Bit 4

The shamefaced pair trailed down to the kitchen after Scott, like condemned prisoners following behind their jailor who led them in stony silence.  As if having big brother walk in on them hadn’t been bad enough he had stood there, tall and imposing in the doorway, waiting while discarded clothes were found and reclaimed.  Despite all the times he’d changed in front of his brothers Alan had never felt more naked and exposed even though he had still been half dressed.

Entering the lower level of the villa they found the table all set, Virgil and Gordon already seated and staring hungrily at empty plates.  The warm smells coming coming from the kitchen module were actually pretty good for a change although Alan wasn’t too sure he had much of an appetite any more.

“You’re late, boys.  Now hurry up and wash your hands then you can help me carry over the dishes, I made the others wait for you.”

With a quick chorus of “Sorry Grandma” and “Sorry Mrs Tracy” the pair hurried over to the sink to get washed up while Scott headed back to his place at the table.

“I really shouldn’t have to send Scott to fetch you, you know,” Sally scolded.  “I’d have thought after spending all day at the Expo you would have had enough of playing games.  Never mind, you’re here now so we can get started.”

She hustled them about, setting them to ferrying the serving dishes over to the table where they were eagerly pounced upon by Gordon and Virgil.  Scott was more reserved but she put it down to a tough day in the office, TI business was a necessary evil for him and he was often a little bit muted after a day stuck in a suit.  

Once everyone had had a chance to load their plates, and the initial babble of conversation between those who weren’t privy to the scene in Alan’s bedroom had faded as eating took priority, Scott finally broke his silence, his words falling like lead.  “So, when were you going to tell us?“  Walking in on his baby brother had come as something of a shock, Alan had been his responsibility for so long it was sometimes hard to accept that the kid he had taken custody of was growing up.  It probably didn’t help matters that the other party was Brandon.  He tolerated Brandon’s presence, mostly because he had been persuaded how good it was for Alan to have a friend outside the family, but the vlogger was definitely more worldly than his brother and preceded by a reputation that Scott did not approve of.  His protective instincts had been ignited and right now he was wishing he’d followed his gut and kept Brandon away from the island.

Alan shifted uncomfortably in his seat.  He’d barely had time to come to terms with things himself and he and Brandon hadn’t actually got as far as defining what they were before giving in to their physical wants.

"Tell us what?” Virgil put down his fork and looked between his oldest and youngest brothers, Scott was radiating animosity and Alan looked nervous as hell.   

“Alan and Brandon here have been getting a little up close and personal." 

"Lighten up Scott, it was one kiss.  You make it sound like the end of the world”

Scott had been expecting an answer but he hadn’t been expecting it to come from Gordon.  “What do you mean ‘one kiss’?  It’s a damn sight more than that."  

Confusion reigned supreme on Gordon’s face.  "No, it wasn’t.  I saw the footage.”

“What footage?  What are you on about Gords?”  The question was low and threatening and Gordon found himself swallowing nervously despite having a pretty clear conscious for once.

“The Expo of course, what are you on about?”

“I just caught these two,” the words were spat with more force than was strictly necessary as Scott waved vaguely in the direction of Alan and Brandon, “fooling around in Alan’s room.  Now what’s this about the Expo?”  The pair in question were subjected to the full force of the Commander’s stare; Scott knew he was coming across as intimidating and probably overreacting but after a day spent examining share prices and and listening to market forecasts he was in no mood to be dealing with unexpected surprises. 

“That was all my fault, Scott,” Brandon stammered.  “I kinda got carried away with all the cameras there and surprised Alan, he…he had nothing to do with it.”

“Hmm,” Scott frowned, not missing the slight shift in movement that suggested Alan had grasped Brandon’s hand under the table or the grateful look Brandon shot him in response; it was a show of unity he hadn’t expected.  “That doesn’t make it any better.”  He reached up and activated his comm “Come in Thunderbird Five, I’ve got a job for you.”

“What is it, Scott?” the missing sibling popped into being via the nearest holoprojector, looking puzzled at being summoned.

“I need you to go through the footage from the Expo Alan went to.  You might need to do some damage limitation.”

“Uh, okay.  Are you going to give me a clue what I’m looking for?”

“Oh I think you’ll know when you see it.”

“FAB.”  The slightly puzzled Space Monitor winked out of existence as the link was cut.

Knowing that John was dealing with whatever had happened at the Expo, and taking Gordon’s lack of concern over the footage as a sign that whatever had been caught on film wasn’t too major, Scott focussed his attention back on the unhappy couple.

“So is this serious between you or what?”  

The tension between oldest and youngest was palpable.  Alan licked his lips nervously, trying to work out how to phrase things and desperately wishing there wasn’t such an audience as all eyes turned towards him.  Was it serious?  Was Brandon his boyfriend now?  He certainly knew what he wanted it to be.  

“Yeah, yeah it is.”  Brandon had cut in before he had the chance to answer, giving Alan’s hand a reassuring squeeze at the same time.  This time it was Alan giving Brandon the grateful look; he knew how hard it was to face up to Scott when he got like this.  

"Well I think it’s great, honey,” Grandma stepped in, giving Scott a brief warning look that clearly said the interrogation was over before turning her attention on the new couple.  “Hey, maybe you can come on a double date with me and Kip.”  She knew Scott had to get whatever concerns he had out of his system but his attitude needed keeping in check.  This was meant to be a nice family dinner after all.

“Ewww, Grandma!” Alan exclaimed.

“Don’t worry, I’m only messing with you.  I wouldn’t want any of you boys along anyway, it might cramp my style.”  She winked at Alan, causing him to shudder.  “Now will someone pass me those bread rolls, I’m hungry.”

The meal passed in relative normality after that although the oldest and youngest brothers ate barely a fraction of their usual portion.  Alan’s stomach was still in knots and he could only pick at his food while Scott was obviously still brooding but with Grandma giving her seal of approval any further discussions of Alan and Brandon’s fledgling relationship were clearly off limits.  

Mostly off limits.  Alan knew the silence from Scott was too good to last.

“Virgil, I’m going to need you to have a talk with Alan and Brandon after dinner.”  While he might not like the idea of his baby brother having anything that even remotely resembled a sex life he had to accept that this was a likely progression.  He would be failing in his duty if he didn’t make sure the couple went into this with their eyes open but same sex relationships were outside his personal realm of experience, hence calling on his next in line.  

“Huh, what about?”  Virgil looked up from his plate, he was far less bothered than Scott about the whole situation and wasn’t too sure what else there was to discuss.

“Alan.  And Brandon."  Scott gave his brother a pointed look. 

Virgil’s brow furrowed in confusion before realisation hit.  "Oh, right, couple stuff.  Really though Scott the rules aren’t any different just cos it’s a guy, but sure I’ll talk to them."  

Alan wanted the ground to swallow him up and he could feel the rising blush creeping towards his ears.  He could not believe this was happening.  He wasn’t completely clueless on the facts of life and Brandon definitely wasn’t.  To make matters worse Gordon was grinning like a Cheshire cat at the prospect, probably thinking up his own contributions Alan suspected.

"Really, it’s okay, we’re good.” Feeling the discomfort radiating off of Alan, Brandon tried to ward Virgil off.

“Oh no,” Virgil smirked, although to Brandon the look seemed vaguely reminiscent of a shark circling its prey, “if you intend to be involved with my little brother we are definitely going to talk.”

“Grandma, is this really necessary?” Alan tried to appeal to the one person who he thought he could count on as an ally.

“Actually dear, I’m with your brothers on this one.  Now if everyone’s finished I’ve got some jobs I want to do.  Gordon, can you give me a hand please, I’ve got some boxes I want shifting.”  She knew she wouldn’t be able to persuade Scott to leave but she could at least take some of the pressure off the situation.

The aquanaut grimaced but knew better to disobey.  Much as it would have been fun to watch Alan squirm he knew his Grandma was deliberately giving the others space; two big brothers was more than enough for Alan to be dealing with and Virgil would stop Scott from going overboard.  Anyways, he could impart his worldly wisdom any time he fancied grossing his brother out.

With Gordon and Grandma out the way a heavy silence settled over the table.  Scott was still radiating animosity and the attitude was starting to bug Virgil.  So what if Scott wasn’t a fan of Brandon?  Alan obviously was and if the feeling was mutual who was he to get in their way.  He took a sip of his water and waited for Scott to say something but Scott had evidently decided it was all on him now.  He cleared his throat.

“Now I don’t know what the pair of you have been getting up to, and to be honest I don’t want to know, but if you two are now an item there are some ground rules you need to follow.  Alan, you have a lock on your bedroom door, I suggest you start using it.  Brandon, whenever you stay over there will be a guest room for you as normal; it’s up to the pair of you if you use it but it’s there.”

“Now I don’t think…” Scott tried to butt in but Virgil cut him off.  If big brother was going to pass the buck on anything that wasn’t strictly hetero then he could keep his mouth shut for the moment.  And anyway, Virgil thought, Scott was a hypocrite.  He could well remember Scott’s own early forays into the world of dating which had started far earlier than Alan’s.

“No, Scott.  Alan not a kid any more and neither is Brandon.  I don’t want them to feel like they need to sneak around and neither do I want to barge in on anything.  Or have you forgotten how many times I had to cover for you or come up with some excuse to keep Dad out of wherever you’d chosen to mess around with your latest squeeze?”  Once he was satisfied that there would be no more interruptions he turned back to Alan and Brandon. “Now judging from the way Scott here has decided to drag me into all this I guess things have already started getting pretty physical between the two of you.”  Alan didn’t think it was possible to sink any lower in his seat but he tried.  “Now there are only two rules but they are absolutely non-negotiable.  Firstly, if you choose to go that far, you always use protection.  You have no excuse not to, there is always a stock in the cabinet in the infirmary, just make a note on the pharmacy order if supplies are running low.  And secondly, you do not do anything that you aren’t both wholly comfortable with.  You always check the other person is happy and if either of you want to stop at any point you stop.  Oh, and Brandon, if you dare hurt my little brother I personally know of at least 6 ravines where you could have a very convincing accident.“

Once Virgil had said his piece Scott launched in again, mostly about not broadcasting everything about their lives to the public or splashing it all over the vlog.  It was a request the pair happily agreed to; Alan wasn’t keen on the idea of navigating life with Bradon in front of millions of viewers and Brandon felt like he would have agreed to anything if it meant being able to get away from the combined force of Tracys one and two.

When they were finally released from their lecture Alan and Brandon fled back to the sanctuary of Alan’s room.  Alan clicked the lock into place behind them; still a bit shaky after the ordeal at dinner it wasn’t that he was in the mood to continue where they left off, more that he didn’t want to be on the receiving end of any more rules or advice from the family, well meant or otherwise.  

Brandon climbed up onto the bed and sat up against the wall, resting his forearms on drawn up knees.  “Man, Scott was like, so intense and boy I do not want to go piss off Virg, I used to think he was the soft one but I kinda think he scares me more than Scott.  Are your family always this extreme?”

“Yeah, sorry, they can get a little over protective sometime.  You do know Virgil was joking about the ravines, right?” 

“Right,” Brandon looked like he wasn’t wholly convinced though.  “Just as well I like living life on the edge.  Always be extreme and all that.”

“Were you alright with what they said, about not putting stuff about us out on your vlog?”

“Well clips with you or your brothers in already get 30% more views, think of the ratings.”

“Brandon!”

“Relax Alan.  No cameras, no clips.  I don’t have to put everything about me online and I don’t want to.  The media, well, you’ve seen how it can chew you up and spit you out and I don’t want to do anything that could hurt you.”  

Brandon patted the bed and Alan responded to the invitation.  He climbed into the gap between Brandon’s legs and settled his back against Brandon’s chest, feeling a slight thrill as warm arms circled round him in a gentle hug.  This was a side to Brandon that was rarely seen, a softer, gentler, more serious side that was at odds with the carefully curated persona of the Bear.  

As Alan’s weight settled comfortably back against him, the smaller form cocooned by his own slightly taller frame, Brandon felt luckier than he had done in a long time.  Alan wasn’t what would normally be considered his type, not if the string of conquests behind him was anything to go by, but there was something about the young Thunderbird with his raw and open honesty that had Brandon craving more than a quick fling.  There was a connection he’d never felt with anyone else before and he made a sincere and silent promise to look after the man who had first welcomed him into his life and his family and then invited him a step further into his heart.

He didn’t know if this would be a forever thing but he did know he was grateful for the chance to try, the chance to prove that he could be more than just a jackass pulling stunts for the cameras.  There was something about Alan, nestled comfortably against him like a puzzle piece where he had drifted off to sleep half way through a movie, that gave him a feeling of deep contentment and he dropped a gentle kiss onto the slumbering head beside him.  Commitment had never been on his radar before, uncomplicated fun was more his usual style, but this was different; a relationship to be explored slowly at whatever pace Alan felt comfortable with and if that meant starting off with movie nights punctuated by tentative kisses, well, he was happy to go along with that.   

-FIN-

[optimistic-dinosaur-nacho]

could you make a call platonic! andy barber imagine? the reader is an officer and is andy’s best friend. the reader is the one to arrest jacob and they get into an argument about it. it would be great if you could do that and you can also change it up a bit if you’d like but that’s just a summary (you can also decide wether you want them to make up or not) -ty 🙂

Platonic!Andy Barber x Fem!Reader

Thanks for dropping in and your request! It really means a lot. 

Warnings: Angst, Language

~~~

The morning had just started and you were gonna stop by a friends house before you go into work. You stopped by the cafe to grab a few cups of coffee before driving over in a police car.

You pulled up and saw someone step out. Taking the coffees you walked up and noticed it was Jacob. “Good morning, Jacob,” You spoke. The boy stops and shoves his hands in his pockets and forced a smile.

“Hey,” He says, you looked around, “Is your parents still home?” You asked. He nods his head, “Yeah, they are.”

You smiled at him, “Do you need a ride to the school? If you give me a second I can take you-”

“No, it’s okay. I’ll take the trail. Thank you. See...See ya,” He says. You grinned at him as he walks down the street and you walked up to the porch. Andy and Laurie were good parents. You never doubted them once. Andy was your friend for a long time. You probably knew him more than Laurie did. Which you didn’t brag about.

You reached the red door and knocked on it. 

It took a few minutes before someone opened the door. “Y/N,” Laurie sounded surprise, she looked almost frightened. You smiled, “Hey, Laurie. I just wanted to come by, see how you guys are doing. You know...” You shrug.

Andy comes in view over Laurie’s shoulder and his face drops, “Hi,” He said. Laurie smiles, “Do you want to come in?”

“Sure, I can’t stay for long but I just went by the cafe and grabbed you guys coffee?” You showed them the cups and they both grinned. “Thank you, please come in.” You walked in and placed the tray on the counter. 

Andy was in his usual suit and tie. You smiled at him, “I’m sorry to hear about Ben. I only saw him once or twice around the school.” Andy nods and hung his head low.

“We barely knew the parents and Ben but... it’s hard,” He says. You nod, “I hope Jacob is doing good, how was he?”

Laurie looks at Andy, her arms were crossed, “He’s doing okay. At least what he said.” 

You nod again. “Well... if there’s anything I can do. I’ll do it. I should head back to the station.” Andy nods, “I was gonna go there. Once you get there, I’ll be in a few minutes. I got to drop something off,” Andy looks at Laurie again and you smiled.

“Sure. I guess I’ll see you there. Bye, Laurie.”

“Bye, honey. Thanks for the coffee,” She says. You smiled, “Of course.” You gave Andy one last glance before heading out the house over to your car. Turning on your car, you glanced at the house one last time before driving down the street over to the station.

.

You stopped in the front and hopped out, meeting Pam Duffy. “Officer L/N,” She says.

“Duffy.”

She grins at you before taking you up the station, “We got a guy, named Leonard Patz. He might be tied to the case, but we’re unsure.”

“Who asked for him?”

“Your friend. Andy,” You look over to mention of his name. Pam opens the door for you, giving her a small thanks as you walked in. You let Pam go first when someone called you over. “I’ll be up there in a minute,” You said, Pam nods and goes up the stars.

.

“Y/N. You made it,” The man says, you stood by and looked at the cameras with the guy. 

“What’s his deal?” You asked.

“He’s assaulted a kid in the library, grabbed his junk and so here we have him here,” He replied, “Grabbed him from his work.” You look up to him and he looked very uncomfortable. Like a dog with its tail between its legs. 

You hear someone walk in and Andy comes in, “Morning.” The man in the chair nods, “Hey, morning.” Andy drops his jacket on the chair, “How’s it going?” He asked.

“Well, they got him to admit to being in the park the morning of. And that’s it so far.” Andy glanced at you, “How’s your morning so far?” He asked with a grin.

You sighed, “Long, but we’re getting there.” Andy smiles at you and his eyes dart over to the door causing you to look over.

“L/N, we just got called in for that search in the park. You coming?” The officer asked. You straightened up, “Yeah. I’m coming.” 

Andy looks over to you, “You’re on the search?” He asked.

You shrugged, “They’re mostly calling all officers in for it, so you’re going after... this. I’ll be there.” He nods with a grin. “I’ll see you there then.” You smiled as you walked away. Andy watched you disappear from his view.

.

“Officer L/N, the cop we’ve all been waiting for,” An officer calls, you walked over with a grin. “Anything yet?” You asked, the man looks around to the group of people with bright orange jackets. 

“Not much, yet, but we still have time.”

You look out to the forest and saw them kicking and bending over through the leaves looking for weapons or any signs of evidence they could use. You watched them, waiting for someone to blow the whistle. 

The K9 also in the search, sniffing through the brush. 

“Well, well, well... Look who came,” Someone says, you look over and spotted Andy’s black Audi car. You walked up as he stopped the car and rolled the window down. 

He leaned over to see you. “Hey, Andy,” You say. He smiles at you, “Any luck so far?”

You sighed, “Not yet, but we still have daylight left.” He looks around and glances at you, “Okay if I hang out here?” You held your hand up and dropped it, “Wherever you want.”

“I’ll just block your car in,” He jokes grinning at you. You smiled, “You do that, I might have to tow your car, Mr. Barber.” He smiles and rolls his window up, leaving you with a grin as he finds himself a spot in the road.

“You and Barber?” Dave asked, you walked over, “What about us?” You asked.

He grins, “Nothing.” You looked over and scoffed, “Whatever you’re thinking you’re stupid. I think you got the wrong coffee, Dave. Making you see things. Him and I are friends, don’t get any ideas.”

Dave holds his hands up and grinned, “I wasn’t even thinking.” Andy comes up with his hands in his pockets. He grinned up at you, “Morning, guys.”

“Mr. Barber,” Dave says.

Andy stands by you and he looks over, “Anything on Patz?” You asked. He looks out to the forest, “Duff’s saying he may not be the one but they’re just not looking hard enough.”

You tilt your head, “Well, maybe give it a few days. Once we find that knife, we’ll find out who it is.” You felt Andy shuffle next to you and sighed.

You all waited for something to be found or happen.

Andy was leaning on the car as you all waited. You glanced over your shoulder and spotted someone walking up. You leaned off it, “Is that Rifkin’s father?” Andy turns and follows your gaze.

Andy walks over to him and you watched from the distance. Dan Rifkin was Ben’s father, the kid who was murdered. He looked like he was upset, crying. You didn’t like that how tensed him and Andy were.

You could barely hear them but you knew it wasn’t good when Dan walked away and Andy immediately pulled out his phone.

Who was he calling?

You see him put down the phone and you walked over. “Andy? What happened?” You asked, looking over to Dan storming away. “I have to go,” He said.

You followed him, “Andy, tell me what’s going on?”

“Officer L/N!” Another officer calls, you stopped and Andy continued to his car. You watched him drive away and you turned to the officer who called you. “What?”

“We got a dispatch. They found the suspect.”

“Who is it?”

“Jacob Barber.”

.

You drove to the Barber Residence and you checked the clock. It was 30 minutes after Jacob had just left school. You tried to reach Andy but he never picked up his phone. 

What’s his son got to do with Ben Rifkin’s murder? If you were the one to arrest his son. It would not end well. You loved Jacob. You took him to school sometimes. You hung out with him and he liked having you at the house for dinners. 

You reached the house to find other police cars. You stepped out and rushed over. The police brought their attention to you, “You know this family, right?”

“Yes, have you found Jacob?”

“No, we waited here for almost an hour. School ended 30 minutes ago,” You closed your eyes and muttered, “Shit.” You rubbed your forehead. “What’s going on now?”

“Duffy is coming with a warrant, we’ll be searching the house. They said they found a fingerprint on the body’s sweatshirt.” You shook your head. Everything was happening at the wrong time for you. This family was too happy to just have it crumble at their feet.

You just have to let it happen. It’s part of the job.

.

You stayed at the house in case Jacob did come home. You’d be the one to reassure him since he knew you. 

Everyone was looking at you because you knew the family more than they did. 

You knew the kid. The chief could possibly put you on leave for that reason. You hear a car zoom through and Andy pulled up half way in his driveway. The officers started to follow him.

“Mr. Barber,” The officer calls, Andy ignores him and rushes up. “Sir! You know this house is frozen-” Andy turns and points.

“You got a warrant, yet?” The officer doesn’t speak, “Yeah, I didn’t think so. It’s my house. I have a right to go inside.” You were the one who was gonna talk to him and reassure him but Duffy pulls in. “Andy!”

The man turns to Duffy who got out with the warrant in hand. He sighs and pulls away. You see her speak to him as you stood by the officers. To you it was hard to watch. 

Andy opens the front door and he says something to her before she nods at the officers. They all go in and you were the last one to go up his porch.

He looks over to you. “I’m sorry,” You said. He looks over and sighed. “I’m sure you are,” He says. You glanced at him and sighed. Andy never sounded like that. The tone he had wasn’t welcoming. 

You took that as a ‘go away’ sign and turned away. Walking back to your car to head back to the station.

“Dispatcher, what units are available for the search of Jacob Barber?” You stopped and looked down at the comm in the center console. You sighed and pulled it up to your mouth.

“10-4,” You say, changing the gear and drove off. Andy watched you go, dropping his head and sighed.

.

After multiple calls to Jacob personally. You drove around for hours. Your windows rolled down to either call out to Jacob or hear sudden sounds. Andy called you multiple times, but you never picked it up. 

It was getting dark and you heard on the radio, they found the knife. You started to feel worried. If that knife has some trail of Jacob’s print, it could end there. You look over to the elementary school and thought to check there.

You got out with a flashlight and walked over to the play structure. You shined the light over the obstacles. “Jake? Buddy. It’s Y/N,” You called, walking further. You hear shuffling and turned the light to the swings. 

You turn to Jacob who sat on the swing. You walked forward, “Hey, bud.” You saw the tears fall down his cheeks as he looked up in fear. You took out your cuffs. You hated to do this to him. 

“I have to put these on you. Can you do that for me?” He stands up and you smiled at him. “Hands in front,” You cuffed his wrist but kept them a bit loose so it didn’t hurt him.

Taking him to your car, you gently sat him in the back. You grabbed his bag as well and dropped it in the passenger seat.

You turned on the car, “People have been looking for you. I was getting worried, Jake.”

“I didn’t do it,” He said. You look over in the rear view. “Do what?”

“Kill Ben. I... I didn’t do it. I just found him. He was just lying there on the ground and... I thought maybe he was hurt so I went over to pick him up... then I saw the blood and his eyes were open and...” He shifts and the tears stream down his face.

“I got scared and I ran...”

“And you didn’t tell anyone?” You asked, he lowers his head and shakes it. You frowned, “Why not?” He pierces his lips to prevent himself from breaking down in tear, you just nod.

“Okay.”

“I want my dad,” Your hand stops at the ignition as you stared forward. “Please... I want my dad...” He says. You closes your eyes and turned on the car, driving your way to the station.

.

You walked in the station and the other officers reached for Jacob. “Please, be careful with him?” You asked they nod at you and Jacob looks over to you. “Don’t worry, your parents are coming.” He turns away and followed the officers as you let out a sigh.

Never in your life arrested a best friend’s child. It was hard. It’s like all the trust just crumbles at your feet and you can’t find the ways to pick them up and fix.

You wanted to wait for Andy. If Duffy told him you found him and arrested him, he might not even talk to you. 

You hear someone walk in and you turned to face Andy and Laurie. “Can I talk to you?” Andy asked. He sounded pissed. You looked at Laurie who was more worried than angry. He looks over to her, “Wait here, honey.” You followed Andy outside.

He meets the bottom of the stairs and turns to you, “What the hell are you doing?”

“What?” You asked.

“You arrested my son? What kind of friend does that?” He almost shouts. You stared at him in disbelief, “Andy, that was my job! It’s the law.”

“I don’t fucking care about the law, he didn’t do this.”

“I didn’t want to arrest your son. I love Jacob, you know that.”

“But you did it anyway,” He said. You scoffed, “If you have a problem of the arrest of your son, you can talk to the chief. That’s the law. So I suggest you understand them and let me do my job.”

“You’re ruining his life!”

“He ruined it himself if he’s the suspect!” You shout back. You watched Andy’s shoulders drop and he shakes his head. Andy drops his head and walks around you, heading back up the stairs.

He left you in the dark. You shook your head and placed your head in your hands and choked a sob. You walked back to your car and drove back home. 

.

The next day, you didn’t call in for work. They asked you to be at the courthouse with the reporters. You rejected it and stayed at home. There was no reason for you to go to that court for Jacob. You didn’t want to be there and see Andy.

You regret what you said. It was fucked up. If Jacob wasn’t guilty, it would been worse. If you were... You didn’t want to think about that.

The news was showing the Barber family on the screen. You turned it off once you saw their faces and did things around the house. No calls from anyone throughout the day. 

Possibly one from your mother. Hearing about Andy and his family. It was nighttime and you were just about to go to bed. The  TV was on and you turned it off. The sound of walking was heard outside your yard.

You peaked through the curtains and didn’t see anyone. You hear your backyard light get triggered by the movement outside. You walk over and slid the door open.

You stood out and crossed your arms. “Hello?” You called, you turn back and grabbed your gun. You saw someone walk forward and you sighed.

“Jesus...” You whispered. Andy comes out in the darkness. He saw you with the gun in hand and sighs, “Sorry.” You placed the gun on the counter and crossed your arms. 

“What are you here for?” You asked.

He looks down at his feet and walks forward, “I wanted... I wanted to say I’m sorry.” He looks up, his hands in his grey jacket as he steps closer. “I shouldn’t have gotten upset. I was just scared.”

You nod at him, “I’m sorry, too. For what I said, I--I didn’t mean it.” He was close as you thought. He pressed his lips together and formed a grin. You forced a smile on yours and sighed. “Friends?”

He smiles, “Of course.” He watches as you lean forward and wrapped your arms around him. He sighs softly and hugs you back. “I might talk to Duffy about the Patz case.”

“I thought he wasn’t their priority now?”

“He is to me. There has to be some connection to him. I might need your help sometime,” He said. You sighed against his chest. “Just don’t get me fired. They almost put me on leave because I knew your son.”

“They might. But it doesn’t stop us from defending Jacob.”

~~~

Some ending there, could’ve been worse but thank you for that request!

TAGS:

@jtargaryen18 @joannaliceevans-fanficblog @chrisevans-imagines @princess-evans-addict @bucksgoat @sweater-daddiesdumbdork @ifuseekamyevans @rororo06 @patzammit @axen-gers

[nosybookworm]

Ninja Academy vs Hero School Rant

Naruto was my jam back in the day. I stayed up late to watch the new episodes, bought the dvd box sets and manga volumes, collected toys and cards just to stare at adoringly, even pretended to be sick so that I could stay home and watch a Naruto marathon. Point is, I LOVED Naruto.

I was invested in the characters. My heart ached for every single character that gave me a backstory. I ugly cried on more than ten occasions.

The action and moral dilemmas sucked me in and spit me out, made me the person I am today thinking critically about the stuff I love because wow that universe is in no way safe or sane for the people living in it lol.

The villains absolutely TERRIFIED me DESPITE STILL WANTING TO SEE MORE OF THEM, Orochimaru alone had me sleeping with the lights on and ripping the arms off his action figure just to be safe.

When I started watching My Hero Academia those old happy feelings started slapping me in the face drawing me in. MHA hits a lot of the same points that Naruto had and I didn’t really notice until the end of season 3 because those points weren’t as in-your-face or emotionally impactful as it was in Naruto I guess. Not to say it didn’t have an impact! Just that it rolled off me a lot easier which might just be a me problem.

I Mean:

The main character getting bullied/excluded because of something he can’t control. 

Underdog character then meeting or making an emotional connection with a mentor figure truly feeling “acceptance” for maybe the first time and taking that all important first step toward their life long dream. 

A teacher willing to sacrifice himself to protect the students. 

A school training teens to protect/serve. 

Rivalry that may or may not be actual friendship.

Students fighting against each other to “rank up” by showing how capable they are to their superiors.

Enemies invading to terrorize the kids and escaping to terrorize another day.

Traumatic family backstories that child will now attempt to seek justice through own power.

Previous underdog character actually having a secret power that no one knows about but a select few and that he has to train to learn how to use, but it makes him a powerhouse that is always surprising the enemy and inspiring his fellows.

Sure all that can be tied to any story when generalized like this, but the way MHA presents them is pretty similar to Naruto.

(Okay, ALL OF THIS is going to be my personal opinion. Things I want to say to get out of my system so that I can move on. It’s long too. So, now that you’ve been warned continue on.)

The more I got into it the stranger it felt because despite hitting those same points I loved they hit in a different way that....well... made me a little uncomfortable to sit through.

Like Aizawa

Very clearly the Kakashi in MHA. He’s sly hardly ever telling his students the truth but has incredibly high expectations of them, has been known to expel students left and right until his most recent batch of kids, is ready and willing to throw himself in harms way for them, and surprisingly competent despite his exhausted persona/personality. However the way these two teachers act get two very different results from me. Naruto got a chance to introduce Kakashi in a way that endeared him to me, the bell test was more than just showcasing the kids current abilities it was introducing Kakashi (the Jounin that is a kind of jack of all trades, the known perv that will publicly read porn, the guy that will happily mess with a bunch of kids to “teach them a lesson” and because its funny, the guy that requires the students under his care to care about each other because caring for his team matters to him more than any mission, that guy). MHA gave the quirk test. Aizawa mostly in the background taking notes and jotting down scores after his speech about expelling whoever comes last. We didn’t get to hear Aizawa’s thoughts until the very end when Izuku surprised him. 

I didn’t really feel any connection toward Aizawa until I stumbled across fanfics that wrote him more involved with the students and I think that’s the problem. Aizawa is dedicated to his student’s education, he believes they will all be amazing heroes one day, but he hardly ever interacts with them. He can be seen watching their training from afar, sleeping in a corner as another teacher takes over for a bit, protecting them from danger or fighting along side them, and proudly declaring that Bakugo would never turn villain but all of that means very little emotionally when I can’t see him making connections with these students to make this standoffish confidence understandable. He comes off as one of those super smart teachers that have undecipherable lessons because he has no idea how to connect with his students enough to explain in way they understand. Similarly, he like jots down that he’s taking note of Bakugo and might need to step in before he goes down the wrong path but then does nothing and confidently tells the press Bakugo would never be a villain.

Kakashi was pretty standoffish too, no denying that, and the little episodes when the kids conspire to try to see him without his mask are the kind of outside interactions that would be weird for a modern teacher-student relationship like in MHA, so I get why Aizawa doesn’t really have that with any of the kids. However, Kakashi saw the path Sasuke was going down and spent time with him and confronted him about it (it did nothing to stop him but he tried). He took time to find a teacher for Naruto. He was present and awake for just about every milestone in there education with him. He told them when he was proud of them not other people. He involved himself in some of their high jinks to measure their growth and as such was able to have confidence in them when they went off on their own.

The Villains

And My Hero Academia villains, namely All For One. 

I felt nothing when he showed up. I was all caught up in All Might and his passing of the torch. The guy without eyes didn’t feel threatening, didn’t feel like the big bad he was suppose to be. The League of Villains really didn’t feel like “serious enemies” either cause I actually really enjoyed them when they were on screen for their dynamics with each other. Similar to how I liked the Akatsuki in their more light-hearted scenes when they where super strong idiots banded together by sheer force of will and explosive personalities that refuse to leave a job half finished. With the League I would be just as entertained (probably more so) if they were in a slice of life anime just being terrible people together.

I get the feeling All For One was supposed to be MHA’s Orochimaru. (And I say this despite knowing Orochimaru’s introduction is probably a lot closer to Stain what with the confrontation and all, but his whole “the world is corrupt, I will cut out the wrong and remake it into the pure world it should have always been” aligned more with Pain especially with his quick turnabout saving Izuku.) 

Orochimaru always felt in control even when he was in hiding or on the run, he felt like he had more up his sleeve which is the only thing I got from All For One when he was imprisoned. Both Orochimaru and All For One showed up out of nowhere, very obviously in a class of their own that the teenage main characters had no hope of beating, and a mysterious backstory that clearly put all the adults in the know on edge. But I just don’t see All For One as a villain. Nothing about him screamed “Run for your lives this man will smile as he tears you apart!” like Orochimaru. Nothing about All For One’s secret Mad Scientist lab gave me creepy vibes that left me on the edge of my seat clutching at the nearest pillow the way the Sound Village that practically worshiped Orochimaru and the many base of operations he had did.

Terrible Parents

The Todoroki family. 

...

Look. The world of Naruto has terrible parenting, but they also live in a dictator/military run nation where kids can be a front-line defense or key players in a war zone so it’s hard to measure how to view these people. Cause a father that beats his kid and yells at him to get stronger has genuine reasons to rightfully freak out when children as young as 8 get sent to ninja academy. Families that have a rare genetic trait like the Hyuga or Uchiha have every right to be tough and stern if they feel that will protect their kids when they know putting them out into the world makes them an easier target for enemies that would rip out their eyes. 

I can judge their actions based on their consequences. Like the Uchiha clan planning a revolt forcing their eldest to massacre them to keep the peace and their youngest to live with a crazy amount of trauma. Like the Hyuga clan branding their branch members to protect family eyes, but forcing them into being lesser than the main branch and all the trauma that forced on Neji’s poor head. The stupid level of expectation set on Hinata’s young shoulders that she couldn’t meet in the way her clan wanted that made her self-confidence practically non existent. The Hokage leaving Naruto mostly alone for his entire childhood in a village that openly hated him. The Kazekage trying to have his lonely three-year-old assassinated multiple times once by his beloved uncle - the only person that was kind and loved him - that scarred him so entirely that he carved “love” into his forehead and rampaged around the village and did casual murder intentionally for years before meeting Naruto. 

All that... I can get behind as abuse. I want those sad kids to be happy. They deserved better and I will happily lose myself in a fix-it fic where they get that.

MHA gives me similar scenarios but without the clear-cut consequences that shows when parenting for that world is abuse. 

Endeavor is not a good husband. He is emotionally abusive to his wife to the point she has a mental break and attacks a child. 

However, in a world of heroes, in a world where high school students are trained to protect and serve and that self sacrifice is a noble heroic trait. How do I compare such a society to my own? They put children in harms way with hero internships yet don’t allow them to defend themselves if they don’t have a hero license, that would be like getting a learners permit but not being allowed to practice driving.

All this to say I have a hard time telling when bad parenting falls into abuse when it comes to MHA. Endeavor is not a good parent, he is an abusive husband, but is he an abusive parent? As a hero training up the next generation of heroes can it be argued that he is pretty okay even if his methods are a little harsh? None of his children fear him from what I’ve seen. Shouto happily tells him his plans to never use his fire and all the reasons why without fearing he might be punished for it. The other kids seem to be pretty okay going on with their lives. Toya being the exception but again I don’t know what happened to him and he’s a follower of Stain so did he have a falling out with heroes or did his father push too hard?

Nighteye & Tsunade

Okay so this is where I get super rant-y. I have feelings on Nighteye and none of them good.

Nighteye being the estranged comrade of All Might the underdog’s teacher, Tsunade being the estranged comrade of Jiraiya Naruto’s teacher.

Tsunade has been hurt deeply. She ran because she felt that was the only way to save herself from more pain. Here comes Jiraiya with his new little tag along demanding she come back home, she gets appropriately angry and tries everything she can to get them to leave her alone. Naruto being the special little underdog that he is immediately gets under her skin reminding her of all the loved ones she lost bringing back all of that old pain back, so she gets even. She beats him down and challenges him to an impossible challenge to show him how small he really is and get out of her own responsibilities. But he wins. He wins, and shows Tsunade how closed off she’s become forcing her to face reality head on and face her fears at last. He changes her whole world view through action.

Nighteye has been hurt deeply. He sees the future for every person he touches and as such sees futures in which people he loves get hurt and sometimes die. He believes there is nothing he or anyone can do to change these visions. All Might is his hero, His friend and mentor, his comrade. His friend gets hurt in a way he can never fully recover from and he sees a vision where his friend dies on the battle field. He then tells All Might who refuses to retire and leaves without a backward glance. They don’t speak until years later when Nighteye picks out a successor for One For All, but Toshi chooses Izuku and never meets Nighteye’s pick.

Izuku, needing an internship not Gran Torino, goes to Sir Nighteye All Might’s old side kick. He gets tested, told he’s not worthy of One For All, and has to work under this man as he tries to get Izuku to see how Mirio is more worthy of All Might’s quirk. Facing off against Overhaul when they are at their most desperate Nighteye uses his quirk to see what will happen and sees the worst possible scenario. They lose. Then Izuku flies in sweeps Eri into his arms and fights Overhaul saving the day. Izuku proved, unknowingly, that the future Nighteye sees is not set in stone with his actions and on his death bed Nighteye acknowledges that without acknowledging it.

Nighteye’s treatment toward Izuku makes me uncomfortable. This is a man in a position of power over this student telling him that he is not enough, will never be enough, and that he is a disappointment.

His glorifying of All Might makes me uncomfortable. He was All Might’s partner and yet he practically had a shrine of the man in his office. He made him more than just a man, built him up as The Symbol of Peace and kept him there (as many of Toshi’s friends seem to do except for Nedzu and Naomasa) despite getting close enough trusted enough to learn about One For All. And despite all that “love” and “devotion” he left Toshinori alone to deal with his new normal of a permanently damaged system alone for years then takes out all that frustration and grief out on his friends chosen successor.

Then when all is said and done and he’s dying and he’s confronted by Toshinori and Izuku what happens? Does he apologize? Explain his actions? Get closure in his final moments?

No. Well, Toshinori got some measure of closure. Izuku got a few words that essentially boiled down to “Good job, your better than I thought.” without talking about the newfound hope Izuku’s action gave him that his visions are only possibilities not absolute. All of his attention then goes to his choice for One For All, Mirio. 

Understandably. 

He’s dying and Mirio was always his main priority as a mentor, and you know who Mirio looks like? All Might. He’s blonde, buff, blue-eyed, cheerfully friendly, and with a happy-go-lucky persona about him. Sir Nighteye taught him to smile. Chose him to be the new wielder of One For All and without telling him anything planned to introduce him to Toshinori to make his choice reality. Doesn’t that sound... I don’t know... uncomfortably close to manipulation? Grooming? To taking this child under his wing and molding him to be pretty close to a new version of All Might?

I don’t know. Maybe if Sir Nighteye had lived this uncomfortable impression I have of him would be lessened as he began to internalize the full extent of possibilities for the future that he never thought possible before and acted more hopeful, more willing to take gambles because his visions were no longer a guarantee of what will happen. 

[xbaebsae]

OTP Questions

Tagged by @f0xyboxes , @dieguzguz, @nightwingshero, @deputyrhiannonhale and @returnofthepd3 thanks for thinking of me sweethearts♥

(art by minilev)

Rheese Bennett & Jacob Seed (idk if anyone even reads these except me but under cut because long post)

DISAGREEMENTS

Who is more likely to raise their voice?  Jacob. Now don’t get me wrong, he doesn’t loose his cool all that easy but Rheese can be a pain sometimes and he lacks the patience.

Who threatens to leave but never actually does?  Neither of them.

Who actually keeps their word and leaves?  This is actually what Rheese does when they break up about three months before the game. He finally is too deluded by Joseph’s demands of him that she cannot get through to him anymore and keep him from hurting people. They have a pretty bad fight about him torturing people that ends with him actually slapping her with the intention of making her shut up because she wouldn’t stop arguing against him. She gives him one moment to apologize for that, but he doesn’t so she leaves :’)

Who trashes the house?  They frequently throw things at each other.

Do either of them get physical?  Depends on when. Jacob pushes her around sometimes or touches her pretty roughly when he suffers from the effects of his PTSD. No domestic violence though. They also land real blows in training fights, same level bad on both sides really.

It’s worse during the arrest when they aren’t together anymore. Jacob was pretty devastated when he realized she actually left for good (he interpreted ‘i am leaving’ as her going home). It resulted in a lot of self blame (justified) which his family couldn’t really deal with. Joseph convinced him in the end that she was just another test he had to overcome in his life to find his correct path. So, he pretty much behaves just like he does in-game. She doesn’t get special treatment, she gets starved and thrown into murder trials like everyone else.

How often do they argue/disagree?  Pretty often. In the beginning it’s all they do, until they realize that having normal conversations every once in a while isn’t so bad actually.

Who is the first to apologize?  Apologies are for the weak :)

SEX

Who is on top?  Jacob

Who is on the bottom? Rheese (though she won’t admit it if you asked her)

Who has the strangest desires?  It’s nothing very strange tbh (at least not by my definition of strange... god i’ve seen ... things on deviantart. Definetly none of that!)

Any kinks?  Yeah, the perfect combo of wanting to feel powerless and wanting to feel in control. It complies with their character really. Rheese was forced to take care of herself ever since her teen years, which developed her into a pretty tough person. She likes the control she has over her life, and doesn’t let herself be pushed around by anyone. Feeling stripped of that control is however really exciting for her. Jacob’s kinda the other way around (imo anyway) in that he’s constantly following orders nevermind when or where, even within his own family (to not disappoint Joseph).

Who’s dominant in bed?  Jacob, Rheese only if he forces her to be :)

Is head ever in the equation?  Yes

If so, who is better at performing it?  Rheese. Slightly unfair though because she’s simply worse on the receiving end.

Ever had sex in public?  Yeah, much to her dismay.

Who moans the most?  Rheese

Who leaves the most marks?  Both do in different ways.

Who is the more experienced of the two?  Jacob

Do they ‘fuck’ or ‘make love’?  Even the nastiest sex is ‘making love’ to them really. It’s frankly a form of talking to them because they both truly suck at verbal communication. Also, Rheese has the old fashioned rule in her life that she won’t sleep with people she isn’t sure about, so before actually being together they don’t have sex. Tho she’s close to breaking that rule multiple times.

Rough or soft?  Rough, sometimes foreplay is soft.

How long do they usually last?  Depends on time and mood. Also Rheese is a lot younger so she sometimes could go again when he can’t. However that doesn’t mean he gets the best of her sometimes :’)

Is protection used?  Yes on her side

Does it ever get boring?  No

Where is the strangest place they’d have sex?  Some small cabin at the place they train Judges. It was kinky, they got caught and she prefers to just not talk about it ever again.

FAMILY

Do they plan on having children/or have children?  No, they never wanted to. Their daughter Jaina was an unwanted accident.

If so, how many children do they want/have?  They have 1 and that’s already more than they wanted.

AFFECTION

Who likes to cuddle?  Rheese

Who gets naughty in the most inappropriate of places?  Jacob usually. But sometimes she’s good at it as well.

Who struggles to keep their hands to themself?  Jacob, and it bothers her a lot in public. He doesn’t really care about what his people think of him, he knows he’s the boss so they can’t say shit. It’s also a way of just showing off that she belongs to him and that’s exactly why she doesn’t like it, cause she ain’t property. Also, people might believe she only became a Chosen trainer because she fucks the boss, which isn’t true because she got that position from someone other than Jake, based entirely on her performance.

How long can they cuddle until one becomes uncomfortable?  Until Rheese falls into deep sleep and starts spreading her limbs everywhere uncontrolably.

Who gives the most kisses?  Jacob

What is their favourite non-sexual activity?  Honestly, just existing next to each other is enough. They are just as happy just sitting in the same room, doing their own tasks, as they are going out for a fishing trip (actually she hates fishing, but the lakes are nice).

Where is their favourite place to cuddle?  The bed

How often do they get time to themselves?  Usually evenings and nights. They would have more time together if Rheese didn’t value her alone time. Sometimes she prefers to spend her days off alone, going on a ride through the forests or just relaxing without anybody around. He doesn’t quite approve of that but she doesn’t let herself be locked up.

SLEEPING

Who snores?  None of them

If both do, who snores the loudest?  Nobody

Do they share a bed or sleep separately?  Share a bed when living together.

If they sleep together, do they cozy up together or lay far apart?  Usually fall asleep cuddling but where they end up is entirely up to chance.

What do they wear to bed?  Underwear usually. Though t-shirts along with that in the beginning.

Are either of them insomniacs?  Jake has trouble sleeping and often wakes up. Her presence helps him but she’s not a magic sleeping pill so the issue never fully disappears.

Can sleeping pills be found by the bedside?  Nah

Do they wrap their limbs around each other or just lay side by side?  Usually the first, when it’s too hot the latter.

Who wakes up with bed hair?  Both. Rheese loves his messy hair, especially after she bullied him enough into letting it grow a bit. He however calls her hay-head, because her hair gets all tangled up and poofy despite being tied into a braid.

Who wakes up first?  He does, good luck getting her outta bed before 10.

Who prepares breakfast in bed for the other?  Nobody does, they aren’t romantic.

What is their favourite sleeping position?  Rheese digging her face in the space between his neck and shoulders while one leg and one arm hugs him and he has an arm around her.

Do they set an alarm each night?  When there’s work the next day.

Can a television be found in their bedroom?  No, though she sometimes uses his laptop to watch movies.

Who has nightmares?  Jacob has real ones, Rheese only the occasional bad dream we all get sometimes.

Who has ridiculous dreams?  She dreams demented shit sometimes, never talks about it though.

Who sprawls out and takes up most of the bed?  Rheese, she’s a restless sleeper. Got kicked out of the bed for it more than once.

Who makes the bed?  Neither of them. They don’t care about it being untidy.

What time is bed time?  Depends. Usually Rheese stays awake longer to finish watching movies.

Any routines/rituals before bed?  Nothing special, sometimes talking, sometimes a movie, sometimes sex, sometimes just hugging in silence.

Who’s the grumpiest when they wake up?  Jake, esp when she talks too much in the morning.

WORK

Who is the busiest?  They both are pretty equally busy.

Who rakes in the highest income?  It doesn’t really matter to them. The cult pays food and since they don’t care much about materialism, they don’t need much money.

Are any of them unemployed?  They have their job in the cult. Rheese works as a deputy before and after her stay there. so no.

Who takes the most sick days?  Neither really take any unless they are really so sick they can’t move. It’s an unhealthy work ethic but they feel useless when just lying in bed all day.

Who is more likely to turn up late to work?  Jake didn’t before, but he sometimes does because of her in the morning. Not that he really minds though, who’s gonna say anything against him?

Who sucks up to their boss?  Jacob in regards to Joseph, which Rheese thinks is very unhealthy. She doesn’t like how he lets himself be used so much and mostly blindly follows whatever his brother says. They have a lot of arguments about this and in the end it’s what ruins their relationship.

What are their jobs?  He’s head of security at Eden’s Gate. She’s a deputy, then pseudo joins the cult and works herself up to become a trainer of the Chosen, then she returns to her deputy position for the arrest.

Who stresses the most?  He does

Do they enjoy or despise their careers/occupations?  Police work wasn’t her passion. It was just a career she thought wouldn’t be boring. No noble motives and such. She only reprises her role as the deputy for the arrest because she falsely blames herself for everyone who’s been hurt by Jake’s hands after she left him. Her return is based on her trying to redeem herself. She had fun training Chosen, but she wouldn’t want to be part of any torture cult.

Jacob barely has any opinion on his work. He believes what he does is what needs to be done and he’s the best suited person for the job. You won’t find him complain, though he secretly just wants peace in his life. He hopes the cult’s actions will ultimately lead to that.

Are they financially stable?  They have enough.

HOME

Who does the washing?  Neither until one of them is fed up with the pile in the sink or the lack of clean plates in the shelf.

Who takes out the trash?  Usually Rheese is bothered by it first.

Who does the ironing?  They don’t

Who does the cooking?  She makes good pancakes. But other than that? Don’t allow her in the kitchen because she can’t cook for shit. He can cook a couple of things but is often simply too lazy to ‘play housewife’ so their dinners often consist of very simplistic things. Occasionally one of them will bring home takeout.

Who is more likely to burn the house down just trying?  Rheese, just...keep her out of the kitchen.

Who is messier?  Both pretty much. His place is a mess and she isn’t bothered by it because her apartment looked the same.

Who leaves the toilet roll empty?  Jake, to annoy her.

Who leaves their dirty clothes on the floor?  They both just throw them wherever.

Who forgets to flush the toilet?  Jake, again to annoy her. (her ‘ewww you’re fucking nasty’ face is really entertaining)

Who is the prankster around the house? Neither, they diss each other a lot, sometimes joke on the other’s cost but no deliberate pranks.

Who loses the car keys when it comes time to go somewhere?  Doesn’t really happen.

Who mows the lawn?  No lawn

Who answers the telephone?  They answer their own cells respectively. He refuses to get a smartphone.

Who does the vacuuming?  They don’t own a vacuum cleaner. Only a broom and a mop.

Who does the groceries?  Usually he does.

Who takes the longest to shower?  Rheese, she enjoys the feel of hot water on her skin.

Who spends the most time in the bathroom?  Not much difference there. Rheese doesn’t bother anymore with any routines and such after Jake told her he hates when she wears makeup because it makes his hands sticky when he touches her face :’) Though sometimes she will still put eyeliner out of habit.

MISCELLANEOUS

Is money a problem?  No, they don’t need much.

How many cars do they own?  Jake own an old truck and a motorcycle, Rheese used to have a car but sold it. She prefers riding on her horse Nugget anyway.

Do they own their home or do they rent?  She had an apartment in Missoula before ‘joining’. Then she lived at Stone Ridge for a while, then she moved in with him to his place. A tiny cabin far up a mountain at the far outside of the region.

Do they live in the city or in the country?  Country

Do they enjoy their surroundings?  Yes, especially the forests.

What’s their song?  You Give Love a Bad Name - Bon Jovi

What do they do when they’re away from each other?  Working, doing their own thing, living. He’s more possessive about her than she is about it. But they both function normally when not being together.

Where did they first meet?  Technically at the church during her very first sermon to ‘join’ the project. But they only interacted about a week later when he’s supposed to bring her to her initiation at John’s place. They immediately hate each other :’)

Who spends the most money when out shopping?  Whoever does the grocery shopping? They both aren’t big on other shopping trips.

Who’s more likely to flash their assets?  She’s not very show off-y. Jacob likes showing she ‘belongs to him’.

Who finds it amusing when the other trips over?  Both

Any mental issues?  Rheese doesn’t really, she lost her parents and her family is extremely distant but it never gave her trauma.

Jacob still deals with the aftermath of war esp. His PTSD gets bad sometimes and he has sleeping issues.

Who’s terrified of bugs?  She is afraid of spiders, and would appreciate if he killed them when they are in the house. But usually he ends up throwing them at her and tells her it’s therapy to defeat her fears.

Who kills the spiders around the house?  Neither, see above

Their favourite place?  A small lake behind a mountain near his cabin.

Who pays the bills?  The cult

Do they have any fears for their future?  Yeah, they are very conflicted about it. Neither of them know where it all leads and their differences (esp the age one) is an issue at times.

Who’s more likely to surprise the other with a fancy dinner?  They don’t really do that.

Who’s the tallest?  He’s 6'1, she is 5'2. He constantly calls her ‘Shorty’, not in any endearing cute nickname way, but purely to mock her height.

Who’s more likely to just randomly hop into the shower with the other?  Happens with both of them frequently. Tho Jacob is more prone to this because he showers less on his own. So when she’s in there he’s often like ‘might as well join’.

Who wanders around in their underwear?  Rheese starts this trend which he really doesn’t complain about. She also argues that it makes sense because then there will be less laundry to take care of. Can’t really argue with that really.

Who sings the loudest when singing along to the radio?  She does, very very badly cause she can’t sing.

What do they tease each other about?  Her short height and his age. Always.

Who is more likely to cringe at the other’s fashion sense at times?  Doesn’t really happen but he does judge her Power Rangers T-shirt she wears for sleeping.

Who crushed first?  They both kinda did. They blamed it on physical attraction at first, which made Rheese mad because he wasn’t her type. It takes them a couple of months to actually admit they might eventually possibly perhaps maybe have feelings for one another :)

Any alcohol or substance related problems?  Not really

Who is more likely to stumble home, drunk, at 3am?  Rheese does once, and another time they do it together.

Who swears the most?  Jacob, though she’s pretty good at it too.

Tagging @joeyhxdson @fadedjacket @shallow-gravy @chazz-anova​ @ja-crispea​ if you want to. Idk who did this by the time this gets posted.

[ramblings-of-a-mad-cat]

I don't want Percy to be MC's friend. He's a complete jerk who only cares about himself more than his friends, parents and siblings but at least, he learned his mistake in the last Harry Potter movie. Watch the video called "The Entire Life of Percy Weasley (Harry Potter Explained)"

I can’t say that I agree, anon, though I can understand finding Percy obnoxious, especially in this game. His personality can definitely rub people the wrong way. However, having just watched the video, I have to say that I think it’s very one-sided. I’ll try and go through everything that it talks about - under the cut because I have no filter.

Fred and George

To say that he didn’t like his brothers Fred and George, and that he wanted to control them, isn’t really accurate and it doesn’t acknowledge that whenever Fred and George were mentioned in conjunction with Percy, they were usually bullying him. Vandalizing his Head Boy badge, even though he was proud of having gotten the position and it meant a lot to him. Or the time that they literally sent him dragon dung. Or the time that they tried to leave him for dead in a Pyramid tomb. And it was played for laughs. I’m not condemning Fred and George because they were the human embodiment of the chaos alignment, so it makes sense that they would butt heads with Percy. Brothers pick on each other, I know it happens. But it’s not fair to act like Percy feeling distant from his other siblings was his own fault. Fred and George were really popular with the Weasleys and other kids. Percy, by comparison, was just tolerated. Even though he was the model student and the one who followed rules, and the twins were constantly causing trouble. Why should Percy be ashamed of doing what he’s supposed to do? Why shouldn’t he want attention and validation from his family? Maybe the reason he talked constantly about his accomplishments was because he wanted to be appreciated.

The other Weasleys

Most of the moments where he doesn’t get along with his family in the early books are not moments that Percy himself initiates. It’s primarily Ron, Ginny, or the Twins picking on him. He didn’t even feel like he could tell his family he was dating someone because he guessed (correctly) that they would bully him for it. Speaking of that, Ginny promised she would keep Percy’s secret, and then turned around and told basically everyone. 

Despite all this, Percy very clearly cared about his family, well before Deathly Hallows. Like the time he boasted about Ron helping to win the House Cup. The time he tried to comfort Ginny, believing she was upset about Ron. The time he scolded Ron over this and warned him to stop going near the site of the Basilisk attacks because of how it would look. Or the time he watched out for Harry because Mrs. Weasley asked him to, “like an extremely pompous guard dog” as the video says. (Like I said, very one-sided.) Or the time that he refused to let go of Ron after Ron was used as a hostage in the Second Task. The video also attributes the end of Percy’s relationship with Penelope to him working too much in GOF...but there’s literally nothing in the books that ever suggests that.

The Triwizard Tournament

Like Bill, Percy is show constantly shown to be a good leader. He was named Prefect and Head Boy and he utterly embraced the positions. But the video mostly focuses on how proud he was of having gotten these positions and now enough on how he got them...because he earned them. In the same breath as talking about how he would apparate in the house every morning just to prove he could the video also talks about how Crouch barely gave Percy the time of day. Couldn’t be bothered to remember his name and just gave him pointless tasks. Despite how excited Percy was and how eagerly he would talk about all this to the rest of his family, who found it boring and avoided the topic. Percy is all alone in GOF. Even more so than he has been before. It’s really no wonder that he poured himself into his work and looked to the Ministry for support and validation, because he wasn’t getting any at home. He was just being belittled and humiliated at every turn. Of course, once Crouch was imperius’d, Percy thought he was finally getting recognition, but he was just being used. He was being set up as the fall guy. Even the villains are indirectly dismissive of this character! 

Because Crouch was out of commission, Percy was having to deal with all his work. So to say that he valued laws and rules over his own family is not only cruel, it’s completely wrong. Percy is resentful of them because to him, it feels like their actions are creating more stress for him at work and ruining that environment for him too. Ruining his dreams. The Ministry (and the video) blames Percy for not figuring out that something was off about Crouch, but it was still the same hand-writing, so why would Percy question it? 

The Estrangement

His supposed reprieve came when Fudge hired him as a Personal Assistant. Percy was excited and came home, hoping his Dad would be proud of him. But like always, Percy was disappointed. Arthur was right in his suspicions about why Fudge hired Percy, but that doesn’t matter. What matters is that Percy heard “You aren’t good enough to have gotten this job.” He heard Arthur refuse to believe that he might have actually earned this. That he was succeeding. “No Percy, this job isn’t real. The one person who’s actually valued you in recent memory is just manipulating you and it’s totally our fault for siding with Dumbledore, but I won’t admit to that.” That’s how it felt. And yeah, it was one time too many. The Weasleys have never conveyed to Percy that they appreciate him or want him around, so why should he want to stick around? Why didn’t anyone step in sooner, or come to his defense when he was taking the fall for Crouch? Why is it only when their agenda is threatened that they say something? And Percy is the selfish one? Why should he believe Voldemort has returned? I agree that what he said to Arthur about Arthur’s reputation and their family was horrible...but I think Percy-Antis view this as totally without cause. And the cause is clear. 

I take issue with how the video describes Percy slamming the door in Molly’s face “without even giving her a chance.” Because that scene was never depicted. We don’t know what happened or what was said. We don’t know how long the conversation may have lasted. But y’know, if I was Percy, I don’t think I’d even answer the door. He’s made his choice - cut ties with his family. To Molly’s credit, she was one of the only Weasleys who praised his accomplishments...but neither she nor Arthur ever did anything about the constant, constant bullying. That might be pretty hard to forgive, and Percy never receives any apology for it. He’s the only one who apologies in the end.

The letter that Percy sends Ron seems pretty terrible until you look at it from from the perspective that he’s genuinely trying to protect his little brother. Which he has always done in his own way. It’s an olive branch. Look, the word on the street is that Harry Potter is constantly lying and potentially dangerous. Percy might very well have made the judgment call that his family was blinded by their loyalty to him. It’s not like Percy and Harry were ever close. Think about it. After befriending Harry, Ron consistently got involved in dangerous adventures like confronting acromantulas, dementors, devil’s snare, the list goes on. It’s not unreasonable at all that Percy might want Harry to stay away from Ron. I’ll agree that giving Umbridge an endorsement is jaw-dropping...but we don’t see them interact. Umbridge might have put on a completely different face around Percy. Or he might have simply trusted Fudge and repeated his words. We just don’t know.

Fudge’s Departure

Dumbledore said that it’s harder to forgive someone for being right, then it is for being wrong. I’m not going to go off on a Dumbledore-bashing tirade right now, because that’s hardly the point -  but while that is very wise advice in general...it completely misses the real point of why Percy left. It doesn’t matter if Dumbledore was right and Fudge was wrong. (Though Percy no doubt felt horrible and humiliated yet again when he realized that.) What matters is that Percy’s family pushed him away and made him feel so isolated that Fudge valuing him was the only good thing going on in his life. Percy leaving doesn’t make him an asshole. But it does say a lot, not about him, that he decided Fudge’s approval and his job at the Ministry were worth moving out and cutting off all contact with his family. Dumbledore's assessment of Percy’s feelings once again ignores any responsibility that his family has in why he left in the first place.I genuinely do love the Weasleys to no end (just look at my URL) but their relationship to Percy was toxic.

 Scrimgeour, like Fudge, used Percy to get to the Weasleys, and forced him to pretend that he wanted to see them when he didn’t. Try to imagine being in that position, especially when Molly was the only one who even acted happy to see him. Fred, George and Ginny threw food at him. Literally why would Percy ever want to see them again if this was the welcome that he got? It was already painful for him and they did not make it any easier. Sure, I know that it was probably painful for them too, but they were once again not even considering Percy’s feelings, just their own. 

The Battle of Hogwarts 

I’ve already talked about how Percy apologies for everything, and the other Weasleys apologize for nothing. Not gonna lie, this is realistic to an uncomfortable level. Family members who have been mistreated wind up being the ones to apologize because they miss their family, even though they often aren’t completely to blame. But this is probably never going to be addressed because immediately after the reconciliation, Fred died. Just imagine how much undeserved guilt Percy felt about that. And then look to the epilogue where there’s one final humorous moment about Harry seeing Percy at King’s Cross and making a mental note to avoid him. Literally nothing has changed. Percy is still the joke of the family. He’s just accepted it because without them, he’s alone. He’s learned to see himself as the problem, and not them. 

...I am such a nerd. But I hope you can see where I’m coming from as well. Again, I love The Weasleys. I adore Fred and George. But Percy is not, and was never a bad guy. In some ways, he’s my favorite Weasley. I do love his character arc. But...I just...I wish there had been some apology from the twins as well.